Woman almost kills cat with chili

According to a 2007 poll conducted by Chili Chat's R&D department, 91% of people in the United States like chili. That's people, not cats.

Tuesday morning there was an article printed in the Gorlyle, Idaho newspaper; The Fintel, about a woman who fed her cat an interesting dinner. Gertrude Malamar was spending a relaxing night at home with her cats when she ran out of Iams Healthy Naturals for her cat Pep-Pep. Malamar is a noted cat lover and has 6 felines roaming her home in Gorlyle.

"Pep-Pep will only eat the Healthy Naturals brand of cat food," Malamar explained. "He won't touch his brother Cornflake's chicken gravy flavored wet food. He's just so picky."

Malamar decided to improvise with some new dinner options, and took to the refrigerator. She came back with a crock pot full of her uncle Lyle's famous chili, and poured Pep-pep a healthy sized bowl. A watchful Pep-pep appeared from behind the sofa and sniffed the foreign substance in his usual cat food dish. About a minute and a half later Pep-pep had licked the bowl clean.

"It was a long day, and I sat down to rest my eyes. I must have dozed off," Malamar admitted.

When Malamar woke up the crock pot was on the ground tipped over in the center of her kitchen floor. It had been licked clean.

"I started screaming and lept up from my chair," Malamar began, "When I accidentally stepped in the chili I lost my footing and hit the ground hard."

When Malamar finally came to, she got up and frantically began a head count of her 6 cats. All six of them were accounted for, except Pep-pep. She made her way through the home and finally found Pep-pep sound asleep in her bed.

"I let out a huge sigh and laid down next to him."

Pep-pep was in quite the deep sleep. A chili coma, in fact. A frantic Malamar began running around the house screaming. Squad cars were on the scene within 10 minutes after three 911 calls came in about a woman screaming.

"I thought someone was being killed," admitted next door neighbor Clifford Pants. "Or that one of her cats had been killed."

"I was a little bit worried," Malamar agreed.

After several attempts at shaking Pep-pep out of his certain death, Goryle police had seen enough. Police Chief Carl Blither carefully placed a white sheet over the seemingly lifeless cat when a miracle occurred.

"It was the dangdest thing," said Blither. "The darn thing started Meowin." Pep-pep appeared from under the white sheet with what could only be described as a grin on his face. Malamar picked up the tabby feline and smothered him in kisses for several minutes while police and now much of the neighborhood looked on.

"It was just a miracle. I almost lost a son!" Malamar shouted at the Police chief.

"Just another day in Gorlyle," said Police Chief Blither.