Chili Chat Declares a 3 Day Chili Holiday!

Conflicting reports have been swirling around the nation as to the official day to celebrate "National Chili Day".  The day seems to fall anywhere between February 24 and 26.  Now, I don't know how 'official' any of these days actually are, but Chili Chat is calling for an official 3 day chili holiday.  Here's the details:



The breaking of french or sourdough bread begins at sundown on February 23 by the eldest of the family.

Nothing but chili and chili related toppings is to be ingested during the 3 day fast.

Any person bearing skin upon request, shall be thrown a serving of chili to wear around his/her neck.

All government and financial institutions shall remain closed.

All participating homes shall place images of the great Chili Davis on their mantle, front door, refridgerator and desktop wallpaper.

We ask any and all who choose to participate in this newly founded U.S. holiday (Canada will observe this holiday begining February 27.), be respectful and hungry observers.  Hang your pinto bean icicle lights, frost your windows with sour cream and make sure you leave oyster crackers and Henessey out for Chili Davis, as he will surely be breaking into, I mean, visiting your home.

Have a safe and happy Chili Fest 2011..

Mac n' Chili - Firehouse Grill, Evanston IL

Firehouse Chili
Meat or vegetarian, cheddar, sour cream, green onion... 3.95 / 4.95
Over mac & cheese... 7.95

Flanked by the Warm Pretzels and the Pork Sliders, this appetizer was calling for me to order it as a main course.

My first concern about this dish, before it arrived at the table, is that it was going to be some half-assed chili over the top of some gourmet mac and cheese (the type with the cheeses that have fake letters in them, like ǔ). I was actually a bit surprised when this showed up.

(dimly lit pub, this is the best i could get)


First of all, side plate with large helpings of sour cream, green onions, and cheddar..awesome. 2 packages of Natural, All Natural Westminster Natural Oyster Crackers...even awesomer!

I tasted the mac first. Pretty standard "blue box" taste, which is fine. The chili however was better then fine. Really good smokey chili, with a good kick. Once all the side plate was emptied onto the bowl, along with the crackers, the dish came to life. However the star of the dish was the chili, and maybe next time I'll get it without the mac, since that didn't really make the dish.

Overall, I was happy with it, and since the place is about a mile walk from my residence I'm sure I'll be there again soon.

Chili Score

KFC Unveils New Chili Bucket - Puts Double Down to Shame.



CLICK TO PRINT COUPON.


In what is sure to be a controversial step in their "Plumping Up America" campaign, KFC has unveiled its latest monstrosity...The Famous Chili Bucket. Similar to its calorie packed predecessor, the Double Down sandwich, the new Chili Bucket is a 4 gallon mess of low quality, stomach churning chili food product.

Chili Chat has first rights on KFC's coupon for the new meal deal.
Put down that Double Down and get your hands into a big bucket of chili!
It's so simple, just print, cut and stuff your face.

For a modest $8.99 you get 4 gallons of KFC famous chili, a large cola drink and Oyster Munchers! I recommend the extra crispy, but I'm sure they're all equally healthy.

Guy notices chili omelet has been pulled from menu.

Chili Chat investigates:

Chili Chat was contacted earlier this week regarding a story out of Crenselvania, Utah.

As the Crenselvania Chronicle reported in the Sunday edition of their paper, local Orthodontist Tad Stensil noticed late Saturday afternoon that “Sizzle Chet’s Diner” on Skinker Avenue, has removed the chili omelet from their menu.

“Me? I’ve never tried it.” said Stensil. “I just always see it on the menu. I’m a tuna on toast guy.” Traditionally a poor seller on most menus, the chili omelet has never quite found its niche, especially in the conservative town of Crenselvania. “I think I saw this one guy order it once, or maybe that was somewhere else?  I can’t remember.” Added Tad.When asked where the chili omelet currently resides, owner/chef Chet Sizzler told Chili Chat “Beats me. I don’t recall ever having to make one.  To be quite honest with you, I didn’t know we even had it or who removed it from the menu.  The folks around here don’t care much for chili.  They say it reminds them of…well you know…poo.  If I was flopping chili omelets in front of my customers all day, this place would look like an Iggy Pop concert.” Sizzler also informed us that no one else had noticed the glaring omission from the menu.  “We’ll stick to the basics for now.” said the confident chef.

Chili Chat is a bit disappointed to hear about this mild travesty.  We encourage other diners not to follow suit.  Just because Sizzle Chet’s Diner feels it’s customers may not want to be treated to a sloppy mess of runny eggs, American cheese and floppy chili, doesn’t mean the rest of the world wouldn’t oblige.

For the record, Sizzle Chet’s best selling omelet?  Plain.
... I rest my case.

This has been Chili Chat correspondent Chip Crinkle – Cheers!

Chili, with a side of burger. -The Chicago Diner, Chicago

The Chicago Diner is one of those places that I've heard about for years. A place that people can't help mention when you tell them you are a vegetarian. However, up until this last weekend, I had not popped in to see what the fuss was about. I honestly don't know what I was waiting for, and now that I've been there, I feel like a first class dope for depriving myself so long.

After a verbal confirmation from our very friendly server, I ordered myself a cup-o-chili along with my burger. In fact, because he did such a good job selling it, 4 out of the 5 people at the table partook on the chili adventure with me.



Everyone agreed, it was AMAZING.

It is to date, one of the best chilies I have ever tasted, and I will undoubtedly order it every time I find myself in this vegetarian utopia.

Three cheers for The Chicago Diner, and to them my highest rating.

Vegi Chili - Uncommon Ground, Chicago

Uncommon Ground is certainly one of my favorite restaurants, so upon spotting the elusive vegi chili on the menu, I knew I needed to indulge myself.
I'll start with the picture, because it pretty much tells the tale.



Overall everything tasted as good looked. It was a totally solid chili, and my only complaint might be that the cheese (I think ricotta) might have dominated the overall flavor a bit much. Outside of that though, it was rock solid. It wasn't a chili that I would go to the restaurant specifically for, but certainly one I would order again.

This bad boy gets 4/5 crackers.

Chili Chat issues public apology to person who was only looking for a recipe.

Chili Chat would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the chili lover who ended up on Chili Chat while looking for a, probably last minute, chili recipe.  In a startling discovery late this afternoon, it was brought to Chili Chat's attention that a fellow chili lover, in a last ditch effort to make chili for 250 people, ended up on Chili Chat. Sorry, no dice. 

We hope the party was a hit!

(Damn, we almost made it above the Econoline Van ad. Up yours Random Lake Ford!)

Chili, toppings save womans life

When we read stories like this, we reconsider our (chili) lives.

63 year old Gerri Guardipee, of Seattle, was sitting in her den watching TV and eating a bowl of chili one evening, when her life was about to change. Gerri had settled into her favorite chair, and was getting ready to go spoon first into a bowl of the good stuff, when she decided her chili wasn't complete.

Gerri stood up, and walked over to her refrigerator planning to grab some cheese, when she heard a tremendous noise. The noise ended up being a motor vehicle crashing through the side of her house. The totaled Infinite screeched to a halt about five feet from where she was standing, chili bowl in hand. The crash left her house a totaled mess. Debris shot everywhere, and her den's wall had been completely broken down.


"I didn't know what it was. At first I thought it was an earth quake," said Guardipee.

Gerri Guardipee avoided her demise by mere seconds. What could have been another sad story about an innocent person losing their life while eating chili, emerges a story of a true chili lovers desire for cheese.

"Good thing for cheese," said Guardipee.

There are many things we can reflect on in Gerri's chili tale here, but one comes more directly into focus for me; don't be satisfied with an average bowl of chili.

Sometimes in life we cut corners, and we do what is easiest. Not for Gerri Guardipee, and it saved her life. She was not satisfied with the standard meat, beans, and chili powder platform. Instead she decided to stand up. Stand up, and walk to the fridge.

Chili Chat proudly awards Guardipee with the Lifetime Chili Achievement award. This prestigious award has only been handed out a handful of times since Chili Chat's inception. The last LCA award was given to Phil Pedal for his courageous acts while nursing three Labrador puppies back to health using only his pick up truck and horse trough full of chili.

"It's an honor to join the ranks of someone like Phil," said Guardipee.

Video footage can be seen at CNN.com.


After doing a lot of soul searching, I found myself sitting in my own den enjoying a bowl of chili, pondering my life. Seconds after I had kicked back my footrest, I began to eye the wall of my den. I put myself in the shoes of Guardipee. I sprang up from my chair, and headed towards the kitchen, keeping one eye on my den wall just in case. I took to my cabinets, and unloaded a cornucopia of toppings onto an already busy chili stew. What came out as a result was not pretty, but I felt the chili gods would be wiping their mouths somewhere and smiling. What was once a fundamentally sound bowl of chili, now featured; oatmeal, pancake mix, chocolate syrup, four go-gurts, and a variety flavor pack of Fun Dip.

The chili stew left me very ill, and I had to call into work the next morning. But if a mid sized sedan decided to crash through my den that night, I would likely have been saved, squeezing the last few drops of a Hershey bottle into my omnichili.

Do not be satisfied with the minimum, my friends. Consider Gerri next time you order some chili, and don't be afraid to toss in an extra topping next time. It could save your life, one way or another.

Historians Elated: Moses' original tablets excavated while breaking ground for new Cricket Wireless.

Today will go down in history as one of those "Where were you when..." days.

Last last night, a construction crew in Pizzacola, Florida, excavated what is believed to be Moses' original commandment tablets.  While breaking ground for the new Cricket Wireless store in the Swisser Tree Shopping plaza, jackhammer specialist, Blane Cranston hit gold (actually stone).  When his jackhammer suddenly halted, Cranston decided to dig up the obstruction by hand.

"I thought it was just a crummy piece of stubborn limestone." said Cranston. Originally thought to be a prank by foreman, Clive Oliveschmidt, the project immediately came to a screeching halt.  Local Bishop, Tarv Bishop, was called in to translate the cryptic text that adorns one of the two tablets.  "The only word I can make out is...chili." exclaimed Bishop. 

The tablets were immediately transferred to the Vatican, where they lay dormant and untouched until members of the Smithsonian have a chance to analyze the cryptic text and imagery featured on the historical tablet.  "This is a once in a lifetime find. A real piece of history. We have learned so much in so little time.  That Moses guy was a real chili fiend. Every nook and cranny of text is filled with chives and kidney beans.  There are so many chili finger prints on this thing, it's going to take months to clean up." explained Bishop.

This is a historical event unfolding right before our eyes.  If these chili commandments are in fact true, as they appear to be, it will re-write world history and religion, forever.

Cricket Wireless will be having their grand opening on March 4th.
Hours: M-Sun 9:00am - 7:30 pm.

Remember to bring in your old phone to upgrade to a new Cricket contract with no money down and free text messages for a month!  That's the Cricket way!

Chili Chat honor themselves as guests at the 2011 Rockabilly Chili Contest.

Join Chili Chat at WMSE's 2011 Rockabilly Chili Contest. (March 6, 2011 - 11am-4pm: @ MSOE Kern Center - Milwaukee, WI)

 Chili Chat writers, Chip Crinkle, Breadbowl Jones and Chiloholic will each be presenting their favorite chili with the officially official "Chili Chat - Golden Bowl" award. This will be our first venture into award presentations. We must warn you, this aint no Oscar. The "Chili Chat - Golden Bowl" is the pinnacle of underground chili awards. 3 Golden Bowls will be presented to each of our favorite restaurants. Some may call it a "consolation prize", but we consider it to be "thee prize". Per-usual, we will be cataloging and documenting the day's events, which will be featured on Chili Chat.  We hope to see many of our fellow chili comrads in attendance.  Cheers!

Proceeds benefit WMSE 91.7 FM, Milwaukee's legendary non-commercial alternative radio station, serving the Milwaukee community for 30 years, offering the most diverse music programming in the city.

49 Competitors.
61 Chili Recipes.
43 Meat Chilis.
18 Vegetarian Chilis.

That's tops!

Getting Dumped on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is traditionally spent between lovers exchanging flowers, offering chili confectionery, and sending greeting cards (easily done through the Chili-Fax 3000). However, some Valentine's Days are not so pleasant. Maybe you don't want to go through the whole rigmarole of the days events because you lost that same lust for your partner. Now nobody is saying that breaking up is easy but we here at Chili Chat have discovered the smoothest and most humane way to tell someone "I hate your guts and don't want to buy you a gift anymore". We want to share this sacred ritual with you today; it has been a widely accepted tradition that has been practiced within many chili consuming cultures throughout history.

Step 1: Create a Contract


A contract is always a good thing to have when planning to break off any kind of commitment. It clearly acknowledges that your mate, the dumpie, and you, the dumper, have agreed to take part in an event that involves the three main ingredients: chili, Valentine's Day, and dumping. Believe me, this will save you tons of time arguing when you get the "I don't know where this is coming from". All you need to say is "read the contract". End of argument.




Step 2: Mix the Various Chili's


Just because you hate the person that your with doesn't mean you are a heartless bastard and this is a great time to reveal that side of you. Mixing the chili serves two purposes:

1. It acts as a great instrument for symbolism of the relationships. Two unique chili's formed into one phenomenal dish that was consumed and delicious at a point in time now has gone through the harsh digestive process. In hindsight these dishes that were never meant to be mixed will be slowly and painfully leaving your expecting colon.
2. It tastes delicious! Hard to get mad at someone when you are eating something so perfect at the time. Think of it as a numbing instrument much akin to an antidepressant. When the time comes maybe try to be considerate and offer your ex-partner the leftovers. It will show good form on your part.

Step 3: Be Very Careful with your Wording


So you have the contract, you set the stage, everything is falling into place. All you have left is to say the words that you've been waiting to shout for months now. However, you have to be very careful with how you explain it to your soon to be ex-partner. Do not let raw emotion cloud your message. Any straying from the contract and the whole day is ruined and your stuck with the same wet rag for at least another year. You only say these words...

"As I am sure you already know (from the contract), I do not care for your presence anymore and the only thing good about you is the chili that you contributed to this chili dump. I declare that from this day henceforth you are dumped. To prove to you and the rest of the Valentine's Day Chili Dump participants that I am the better person throughout this process I want you to retain ownership of all the leftovers, including the corn bread."



Inevitably you will get responses such as "I don't know where this is coming from?" or "How could you do this in front of all my friends?". The beauty of Step 1 is that you already covered all of your bases so simply say "I don't know why you are caught off guard by this, just look at the contract". Now you are home free. Going forward just have your ex-partner refer to the contract. Soon the chili will take its natural effect on your now ex-partner and he or she will quickly forget the pain that was once felt while slowly slipping into a chili coma.


Well I hope you still have time to set up a chili dump to get out of the suffocating relationship you're currently in. Once again chili pulls through in the clutch! Good luck and Happy Valentine's Day friends.

The Great Outdoors - Kettle Moraine South

I consider myself a bit of an outdoors-man, or at least a lover of the outdoors, so upon receiving the invite of a winter camping adventure I jumped at the opportunity. Included with this invite was the promise of a freeze-dried meal, which seemed like an great way to do dinner while staying "hand-in-glove."


After spending a few hours shoveling the couple feet of snow into a usable campsite, and building an igloo to sleep in (however I opted for the tent), my companions and I built ourselves a fire and sifted through the wonderful selection of bagged meals that had been so aptly lain before us.

The choice was pretty obvious for me.



Our cooking gear restricted us to boiling 2 meals worth of water at a time, so I sat back and waited for round two. The first two bagged meals where accepted with a consensus of "It's pretty good", with the only complaint coming in it being a little bland. I figured my chili wouldn't have that issue, after peeking into the clear bottom of my meal-bag and seeing what appeared to be an abundance of dried spices.

The water came to a boil and I scooped out my recommended 2 cups of water to the bag, and waited the 10 minutes for it to cook, stirring occasionally.

Finally done, I grabbed my spoon and dug in. The first spoonful filled with beans and spice jumped onto my pallet with excitement. This chili did not lack flavor as the other meals did. No extra salt or pepper needed here, the flavor was full and aromatic. The only real issue I had with it, was that it tasted like vomit.

After another bite, I offered it up to the group with the classic line, "this is gross, try it." The other members of my group of 4 all made the same face upon tasting it that I'm sure I made. There was something absolutely vile about it. An acidic level would turn the blue litmus into the brightest shade of red before it even was fully soaked.

It took a few beers, but I finally got the taste out of my mouth (although belching became my worst enemy) and enjoyed the rest of my winter camping adventure. It was an achievement that I look forward to doing again, however next time, I'll pass on the chili.

Chili Co. releases Chili-Fax 3000 just in time for Valentine's Day.



Click image to see full advertisement.



Happy Valentine’s Day!

Show that special someone you care by sending them a chili fax.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day!  Chili Co., front runners in the booming chili technology industry, have finally released their long anticipated Chili-Fax 3000. The Chili-Fax 3000 features a plethora of upgrades from the 2999 model, including the very closely guarded anti-smear imaging unit, the first of it’s kind. Additionally, Chili-Fax 3000 is now compatible with just about any type of chili one could imagine. Piggybacking off the success of their desktop chili mug warmer, Chili Co. has added a high speed firewire attachment that will make both products sync up seamlessly.  This Valentine's Day why not get your love life and chili life in sync, with the...
Chili-Fax 3000, a full belly now for a virtually full belly in the future (Chili Co.).

Chili-Fax 3000 features include:

Top Sirloin Ethernet port (vegetarian adapter available)

FireWire 800 port (up to 800 Spoonfuls per-second)

Chili DisplayPort

Two USB 2.0 kindney bean ports

Oyster cracker card slot

Sour cream line in

Cheddar Cheese line out

Chilitooth 2.1 + EDR (Enhanced Data Rate)

10/100/1000BASE-T Chili-bit Ethernet (RJ-45 connector)

Mercury-free LED-backlit display

Arsenic-free display glass

Meets ENERGY STAR Version 5.0 requirements

Rated E-Chili T Gold


Chili-Fax 3000 is only available at www.Chili-Chat.com.

Albert Pujols blames contract negotiations on chili perks package

Albert Pujols is nearing the end of his current contract with the St Louis Cardinals. Pujols is signed through the end of the 2011 season, and will earn a modest 16 million dollars, and some odd 200 bowls of chili from St Louis restaurants.

The Cardinals offered him a new contract deal, which he recently declined, which has left fans a bit worried. Chili Chat sent sports corespondent Murch Whistler to investigate.

Albert is on the last year of his 8 year 111 Million dollar contract, that featured a complete chili perks package. Albert is welcome to all the chili he can eat in all of the greater St Louis area (200 bowl limit). What more could a sports superstar want? Albert had this to say:

"I am grateful for all of my fans, and have many fond memories in St Louis, but my future here depends mainly on the chili perks package."

Cardinals GM John Mozeliak would not comment on the issue, but was reported chopping onions, drinking, and crying in his office.

There have been many reports of Albert visiting the hottest chili spots in Texas, Boston, and New York. Albert was seen leaving The Chili Factory, a hot chili night club in Houston, Tx Saturday night. Whistler was able to catch up with Albert before he hopped into his ride Saturday night. Albert was not available for comment, but was seen discarding a crumpled piece of paper onto the sidewalk which was later identified as a chili stained napkin.

It's clear, Albert is doing his research.

It is not a big secret that St Louis is not a "chili hot spot," but could an extended chili perks package be just enough to push the slugger over the edge?

Chili Chat wants you:

Uncle Chili needs your help! 

We're calling out to all our chili comrades to contribute photos of your favorite chili experience. Here at Chili Chat, we're about community. Have you made some kick ass chili?  Some horrible chili?  Did you fill your Grandmother's slippers with chili when she wasn't looking?  We'd love to see it!  Submit your favorite chili related photos or videos to Chili Chat.  And you too can leave your chili smear on the pages of world history!  Onward and upward.

Local out-of-towner orders chili at Asian restaurant.

Woah, woah, hang on a second. This isn't fucking chili?!

Chili State to be added to the Big Ten, shocks sports nation

According to a source from the CFNA (Chili Friends of North America), Northern Texas based Chili State will be leaving their current division and joining the Big Ten.

Chili State was established in 2005, and got its sports program off the ground in early 2011. With a student body of just 86 students, sports fans and chili enthusiasts alike are left scratching their heads at why a college of Chili State's size and ability would be converted into a D1 program.

Chili's State's president, Gar Plimpt, had this to say; "We are pleased to join such a prestigious Division as the Big Ten. We are confident in our chili cooks, writers, and bloggers, but fear our athletic program may be a few steps behind. Most of our basketball players have never played before, but they seem to be quick learners. We are quite hopeful."

Chili State has a record of 1-5 this season, after chalking up a win at Cracker Tech Thursday night. C State was trounced last night by Ohio State, 113-30, and have another tough game playing at U of I's Assembly Hall tomorrow afternoon.

The six man roster is lead by senior point guard Kern Mantis, who is averaging almost 9 points a game. Mantis is Chili State's all time leading scorer, as well as team captain. The 5'8" guard from Kardboard, Tennessee remains optimistic about the team this year.

"Don't count Chili State out. Our sights are set on March

Madness. We want to get to the tournament. We're still learning the basics, so what? We've only got 6 players, so what? I've been drinking lots of sprite and listening to rap music. I'm feeling good ," said Mantis.

Sports analysts across the board have already written off Chili State and marked them as a non threat to the Big Ten.

"Kern Mantis wouldn't even make the team on any other team on the Big Ten. We wouldn't even trust him with washing our team jersey's. I heard he drinks before games too." -Anonymous

Chili State looks to surprise some people this year. Could they be this year's Cinderella story?

Chili Chat investigates: New Chili highlighters wreak havoc on book buy-back prices.

Chili Chat investigates:

New Chili highlighters wreak havoc on book buy-back prices.

Originally started as a way for students to combine snacking with note-taking in one convenient package, the Chili Highlighter was an instant success.

But it only took one semester to squash all the hopes and dreams of Chili Co., (a subsidiary of Chili Corp Int.).  Students who tried to return books to their local campus bookstore were treated to a harsh dose of reality.  What many thought were helpful highlights for next semester’s students, turned out to be nothing but a mess of sloppy, greasy pages.  A  vast majority of bookstores turned these books away, leaving many students walking home with clichéd inside out pockets and not so much as a quarter to catch the bus. 

I was once a poor college student and know that many, many hard working students look forward to selling their books back in order to have enough money to buy red solo cups, ping pong balls, Cool Ranch Doritos and cheap ditch weed.  This incident has stifled the economy on most campuses around the country.

Tad Rodenhust, owner of Tad’s Teeny Mart, on the corner of Bliffert and Tartabull , near the student union at Pensachussets Tech, told Chili Chat that sales have plummeted since this semester ended. “These students are destitute.  You should have seen how bright and cheerful this place was on the first day of the semester.  I must have sold a package of Chili Highlighters to every Tom, Dick and Harry on campus.  This sickens me.  It’s just chili for Christ-sake!” Said Rodenhurst.

We decided to get in touch with Chive Goocus, President of the Kappa Kappa Kappa Sigma Tau Kappa Omega chapter at Crested Peünt State University.  Goocus is at the forefront of a class action lawsuit against the creators of the innovative Chili Highlighter.

“Millions of students purchased these highlighters because we were hungry and wanted to do well in school.  And this is what we get?!”

A visibly distraught Goocus also added, “So the pages of history are stained with chili?  Chili has done some great things for this country and according to the bookstore, we should just give chili a big middle finger.  I’ll tell you where the bookstore can stuff their chili…” 

It remains to be seen what further repercussions Chili Co. will receive as a result of this lawsuit,  or if the local economies on thousands of campuses across this nation will bounce back.  This situation has surely put another chili smear in the pages of history.

The only way to forge ahead is to learn from history.  Even if that history is covered with a  beef and beans.

This has been a Chili Chat Investigates exclusive.  I’m Chip Crinkle, signing off!

Cheers,

Four Loko Brand announces new flavor!

"I'm so wild, they call me Four Loko..."


A source very close to Chili Chat leaked this information to me this morning. Four Loko, the alcoholic beverage distributor, announced Thursday that they would be introducing a new product to their diverse franchise of canned malt liquors; Four Loko Chili.

Four Loko Chili brings the full punch of hearty Texas chili, while still sneaking in that 11% alcohol! The Four Loko brand is trying to reach a wider demographic of drinkers with this new product. Four Loko research and development team's studies show that people ages 18-23 would drink an alcoholic beverage, if it were chili flavored.

Try taking a big gulp of 4L chili, and chasing it with your favorite chili topping! A handful of shredded cheese, a spoon full of sour cream, etc. The back of the can does have a disclaimer that excess drinking of Four Loko Chili can have tremendous after affects. Namely, the chili hangover.

Four Loko Chili hits stores this morning, and is available at most liquor stores near you!

Stay warm, and have a chili weekend!

Milwaukee Chili Bowl 2011 Video! Woah!

 

Thanks to the fine folks at NOISE, Inc. Multimedia Branding Communications

for putting together this killer video about the 2011 Milwaukee Chili Bowl.

They also have some other really great content. 
NOISE, Inc. absolutely gets the official Chili Chat Oyster Cracker of Approval.

10 things that could benefit by being replaced with chili.

It's not even a question at this point. Chili makes the world a better place. But here are a few special facets of popular culture that I believe would be greatly improved with the replacement of chili:

1. Home sprinkler system
2. A waterbed
3. A sauna
4. The infield dirt on a baseball field
5. Holy water
6. Sahmu's tank at Sea World
7. Winter rock salt trucks
8. Windshield wiper fluid
9. French press coffee pot
10. Movie theater "real butter flavoring topping"

Any contributions will be welcomed and forwarded to management.

Waldo is missing in the chili aisle!  Can you help us find him?

Don't Get Mad, Just Get Chili'd

Has someone ever really chapped your asshole? Maybe they did something as little as cut in front of you at your local Dollar Store. Or maybe your boss wouldn't let you take off to make it in time for your Jimmy Buffett Concert. I hate it when I miss the opening of Chiliburger in Paradise. Perhaps you just caught your best friend sleeping with your favorite bowl of homemade chili (Hey! That's MY chili your sleeping with!).

The truth is this list could go on and on of ways you have been wronged by your fellow chili consumer. Well I'm here to give you Mr. Chiloholic's Top 5 ways to seek revenge through the awesome power of chili.

1. Fill up the wrong doers underpants with some spicy, spicy chili. He'll be sure to feel the heat!
2. You were never good enough for her to carry your child? Well just replace her birth control with some white beans. Guaranteed that she'll never know the difference and before you know it she'll be expecting her own little chili bean.
3. Don't mean to cross-sell here but I must admit that pouring a little too much Chili-Lax (patent pending) into your boss' coffee is sure to leave him with an interesting morning. Let's see how worried he'll be about your vacation time when he is occupied with kidney failure and numbness of the penis (the last one is a personal side effect I have experienced).
4. Replace all of their personal chili with Patterson's Brand Hot Dog Chili (Sorry Chip, I told you I was going to get you back for whipping me with that towel in the chili sauna). Come home from a hard days work, look forward to reading the paper and winding down with some homemade chili and your smacked in the face with Patterson's Poop.
5. Someone pulls into your parking spot at the Ponderosa? Well let's see how fast they put their car in park when they find out you replaced their break fluid with sour cream!
   

In this case, chili is a dish best served at any temperature.

Please do not limit your vengeance to these five. You can be creative and let it take on a life of its own. The Chili Chat Team encourages you to contribute your own unique ideas in the Chili-Vengeance Comments section.

An aside, while I am not a big follower of South Park I think that Cartman has the right idea here.

Breadbowl Jones' weekly upadate

Greetings Chili enthusiasts!

BBJ is back with the weekly update! According to my trusty car thermometer, the temperature is at a whopping 7 degrees. So I know you're thinking "breadbowl jones, what does the temperature have to do with chili???!" It has everything to do with chili, my friends.


Top NINE things to do with chili, besides eat it, in the winter time.
(In no specific order.)

1. Using a hard edge, line your windows and doors along the edges with a thick layer of hearty chili. It will keep the cold out, and the chili aroma in!

2. Ladle a hot scoop of your favorite chili into your socks in the morning. Guaranteed to warm your feet and surprise your co-workers! (Look out for pinto beans getting stuck between the toes.)

3. After a hard day's work, treat yourself to a chili bath. Keep an alternate set of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash at your place for such occasion. Cheddar cheese shampoo, sour cream conditioner, and Tennessee hot sauce as a body wash.
%%%%%

4. Ladle a hot scoop of Texas chili into every young boy and girl's halloween trick or treat bag. (-Lance Crackers)
%%%%%

5- Bring a giant tub of chili into the office and surprise your co-workers! Inspiration-----
%%%%%

6- Use chili to help dress a friend's open field wound! Sour cream anticeptic packets!
%%%%%

7- Get fashionable with your chili! Be bold and stylish, accesorize with chili. Don't be afraid to fill a pocket tshirt pocket to the brim. Let a little peek out? Put some on your shoulders, and casually wipe it off when the time is right. Be sure to see chili IN this spring.
%%%%%

8- Smoke your chili. Not in a smoker. Roll your chili up into cigarette papers and smoke them! Studies show that chili smokers have done 23% better on their ACT scores, as well as having much better vision.
%%%%%

9- Bring a crocker of your favorite chili to the next box social you attend!
%%%%%
^^^^^


























%%%%% = Appropriate year round, not just winter time.
^^^^^ = just normal eating chili with friends



News

Don't forget! Nyle Riverwater will be driving the chili wagon around town this Saturday morning passing out complimentary chili biscuits! Yum!




Quotes and fun facts!

"Chili is not so much food as a state of mind. Addictions to it are formed early in life and the victims never recover. On blue days in October, I get this passionate yearning for a bowl of chili, and I nearly lose my mind." - Margaret Cousins, novelist

Will Rogers (1879-1935), popular actor, cattleman, banker, and journalist, called chili "bowl of blessedness." It is said that Will Rogers judge a town by the quality of its chili. He sampled chili in hundreds of towns, especially in Texas and Oklahoma and kept a box score. He concluded that the finest chili (in his judgment), was from a small cafe in Coleman, Texas.

BBJ out!

I went to the 7-Mile Fair and all I got was this lousy chili.

  


Other than a t-shirt of an eagle ripping through an American Flag, there’s really nothing more American than spending your Saturday afternoon in a dumpy, dimly lit, glorified overhang and just waiting for that perfect opportunity to empty your wallet on the first piece of crap that you just can’t live without.  That, my friend, is what greases the wheels of this country.  It’s what our founding fathers did.  And it’s how the bright future of this nation will continue to spend their Saturday’s doing.

In case you’re overflowing with American pride, allow me to unembellish this.  I spent my Saturday afternoon at the 7-Mile Fair, bought some crap, saw some strange people and of course, ate a bowl of chili.

After milling about the filthy corridors for about an hour, it was clear that I had burned too many calories and needed to replenish my food energy. There were many options available for the acute palette.  I, however, decided as a representative of Chili Chat that it was my obligation to have the famous 7-Mile Fair chili.

Now, I’m not a tough guy to please. And I knew damn well what I was getting myself into.  So heed my warning on this bummer review:

Beginning on a positive note. The sour cream was applied with a caulk gun. That’s cool in my book.

Poop brown coloring, check. Over processed cheese, check. Dirty plastic spoon, check. Child laborer, check.

My initial impressions tell me this is going to tear my duodenum a new one. I don’t think the devil himself could have gotten that cheese to melt. It remained in its shredded form throughout the meal, never even showing the slightest hint of transforming itself. The consistency of this beast seemed like something out of a Jules Vern (Happy Birthday by the way) novel.  I reluctantly forged ahead.  Washing down bite after bite with a room temperature swig of 30 year old “Billy Beer” which I purchased from one of the Midwest gypsies at the fair.  The highlight of my meal was the mysterious 1 small piece raw onion waiting for me about ¾ of the way down the bowl. I don’t recall the 12 year old girl behind the counter putting onions on my chili. How did it get in there and how was it still raw?

I shouldn’t complain. Ordering chili at a flea market is the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot and thinking it might not hurt that much. 7-Mile Fair, I’m sorry to inform you, but you will not be receiving the Official Chili Chat spoon of approval. That chili should have been served in one of the 250,000 pairs of tube socks or padded bras that were for sale. My plumbing is pissed.

Side note: I believe Breadbowl Jones enjoyed his sour cream go-gurt.