COMING SOON: Why Puerto Rico Needs To Eat More Chili (A Travel Journal).

Chip Crinkle's annual Easter Chili Brunch a success!

Happy Easter, chili companions!

It is my pleasure to report that Chip Crinkle's 3rd annual Easter chili brunch was a smashing success. In 2009 Chip hosted his first chili brunch at the Klepton, WI Community Center. The benefit was able to raise $1,414 for the National Chili Taster's Union. This year his goal was $3,000, and he exceeded that mark. This year's event brought in $3,035 and showed the highest attendance in Easter chili brunch history.

The doors opened at 8:00 a.m. sharp and didn't close for nearly 12 hours. Even the Klepton city mayor, Bush Prenzler, showed up with his family. Be sure to check the Klepton Community Center's Myspace page for pictures from the event! The Chili Chat cooking staff worked around the clock to produce a whopping 93 barrels of chili. Kitchen staff reported that they went through one pallet of saltine crackers, 30 lbs of marble cheddar, and roughly a baby-pool of sour cream.















An eager Chip Crinkle waited by the door of the
Community Center for the first of the guests to arrive.















Chip Crinkle and the Klepton Community Center
were both dressed to impress.



Chili was served from open to close, and no one went home hungry. The day ended with a chili Easter egg hunt, and the crowd favorite; the chili dunk tank.

"Chip's always got a trick or two up his sleeve," regarded chili enthusiast Gilmore Fuzzle. "Last year he had a chili slip 'n slide and I about lost it. He's a tremendous fella." Fuzzle was proudly sporting his 2009 Chili Easter Brunch mock turtleneck.

Chili Chat would like to extend their apologies to Katy Plimpt and her family for their trouble at the brunch this afternoon. Fifth grader, Plimpt, was participating in the chili egg hunt when disaster struck. Plimpt cracked open one of the plastic eggs she found in the bushes, and the hot chili filling seeped out onto her hand and burned her. The minor spill left her with second degree burns on her left hand. Chip Crinkle arrived immediately with a sour cream cooling agent. She was later treated at St. Climpton's Memorial Hospital, and released that night. Chili Chat's legal staff are dealing with this matter with utmost importance.

Chili Chat would like to apologize to all of the people that ordered 2011 Easter chili brunch t-shirts. There was a mistake made somewhere in the ordering process regarding the size charts. Everyone that paid their $23.99 at the brunch will still be receiving their commemorative chili brunch t-shirts, but they will all be 2XL. Chili Chat would like to apologize for the mistake, and hopes to see you next year!

Kim Chiloholic Gives Birth to a Healthy 6 lb. 8 oz. Bag of Chili Chips.

Quite exciting news!  Saturday, April 9, 2011 - lifelong partner of Brik Chiloholic and avid Chili Chat reader Kim Chiloholic, gave birth to a beautiful 6 lb. 8 oz. bag of chili chips.

Kim and Brik had just finished their usual Saturday brunch at their favorite joint, R.T. Trevin's Chili Casa, when Kim began to feel what seemed like chili induced indigestion. "Kim never has chili induced indigestion at home" Brik thought to himself. They decided to take the safe approach and head for Chili Davis Memorial Hospital. Soon after admittance, Dr. Gert Lancaster informed the Chiliholics that this was no ordinary indigestion and they could soon expect a new addition to the family. With Brik by her side, Mrs. Chiloholic delivered a beautiful, healthy bag of chili cheese chips and didn't break a single one.


Chili Chat would like to welcome Chili Cheese Chiloholic, the newest member of the Chili Chat family.  I think she looks just like her dad, but that cheese is definitely from her mom's side of the family.

Side note: The afterbirth was delicious!

Cheers,

Breadbowl Jones' Weekly Update

Greetings Chili Comrades!

I have been slacking a bit (a lot) on my weekly updates, so as promised the Weekly Updates are back in business! Find your best easy chair, slide into a pair of sweats, and pour your finest glass of chili merlot. Welcome!

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It's been an exciting day with Kraft Chili Singles hitting the market Monday. Be sure to get yours soon. Many large grocer chains have predicted most places to be sold out as early as Wednesday afternoon. There were three arrests at a Wal-Mart in Denvorado yesterday morning when a woman allegedly took the last 12 pack of Chili Singles from an unsuspecting man's shopping cart. When the man retaliated violently, the woman's husband got involved. Some 8 or 9 boxes of Hormel chili broke open on the tile floor, and caused a slippery chili mess for everyone that tried to break up the fight. The melee was broken up by veteran police chief Trendle Williams.
"Damn people need to quit eatin' chili!" Stated a frustrated Williams. "Man!"
More on that story as it develops.
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Be sure to check out Nevin Blender's summer sausage expo this Saturday afternoon. It will be held, as usual, in the Morton Building behind his house. Blender has been putting on sausage expo's since the late 80's. I've had the opportunity to sit in on at least a dozen of these, and I highly recommend them. Blender placed fourth in this years "Salted and Cured Meat Extravaganza."
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We all make mistakes.

Last Saturday I was whipping up an Asian white chili, when disaster struck. The recipe I was working with called for one Bermuda onion, but I got a little bit adventurous and reached for something stronger. I got about half way through dicing my Templetanian onion, when my eyes started itching. Then they started burning. Then I started crying.

"I told you not to," said Chip Crinkle, holding back a chuckle.

Templetanian onions are a rarity in the United States. I purchased mine from a shaman while backpacking through Somalia. He warned me to use them sparingly. Lesson learned. My eyes began to shed tears profusely, until I had to remove myself from the kitchen. When I hadn't stopped crying after 3 hours, I had Chip drive me to the emergency room. I was released later that evening with an eye patch and a bottle of sour cream eye drops.

The chili was completed

(with half the Templetanian onions) and was a complete success at the Cub Scout Troup #491's Coont River campout.

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Be sure to look for more Chili Chat Network videos soon! We all hope you had the chance to tune into Channel 5's "The Sampler Platter" last evening. If you weren't able to tune in, you're in luck! Chili Chat will be posting clips from the interview in the next two weeks!
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Remember friends, if you have any chili photos/news/thoughts, feel free to email them to breadbowljones@chili-chat.com or chipcrinkle@chili-chat.com

Happy Wednesday.

Chili Chat to be featured on local TV show!

Greetings, ladies and gentlemen.

It is my honor to announce that two representatives from Chili Chat, Chip Crinkle and Breadbowl Jones, will be interviewed on local access television this Monday night called "The Sampler Platter."

This will be Chip and Breadbowl's first TV appearance. The show is hosted by two charismatic young men; Beaver Felton and Clift Plimpton.

A trailer for "The Sampler Platter" is available below:

Kraft Foods & Chili Chat Introduce: Kraft Chili Singles

There has been a lot of gossip going around these days that Chili Chat and Kraft Foods have been negotiating a deal to release a joint chili product.

These rumors are absolutely true.

At 10:00 a.m. CT Chili Chat representatives met with leaders of the Kraft Chili Sector, and were able to come to terms. On Monday, April 11th, Kraft Chili Singles (Chili Chat limited release), will be in every grocery store in America.

The highly anticipated Kraft Chili Singles bring the convenience of the Kraft Single, with the zesty taste of flavorful chili at the same time.

With the ink still wet on this blockbuster deal, Chili Chat cannot believe the amount of orders they have already received.

"They're ordering it by the pallet!" exclaimed a jubilant Chip Crinkle.

Sr Accounts receivable manager, Branch Pigeon, had this to say: "We haven't seen sales like these since the chili shotgun hit the market in 98. It's tremendous!"

A 12 pack of Chili Singles is going to cost you $6.99, and will only be available for a limited time, so get yours soon! The chili singles are made up of a rich chili paste that was originally curated in Chip Crinkle's basement! Fun ideas on how to use your Kraft Chili Singles are already circulating the internet. So far the grilled chileese is scoring the highest praise. The grilled chileese is much like the classic grilled cheese, but better in the end. The chili and cheese combination is nothing short of perfect harmony.

With demand as high as it is for this product, one can't help wonder how Monday the 11th will go. How will this product affect the national economy? It has been reported that many grocery stores across the nation have ordered double security on Monday at select locations, and that many people are planning to camp out Sunday night.

"It's like the ipod of the food industry," said CSU basketball star Kern Mantis, " Everyone's got to buy it." Mantis was spotted outside of a Ralph's grocery store waiting in line for Monday's release. "More people are coming soon too I heard," said Mantis. Mantis reportedly drove home later that night, when no one else showed up.

These singles are available for a limited time only, so Chili Chat does recommend waiting in line the night before if you do want a pack.

Finally, Something for the Ladies.

To quote the late, great James Brown..."This is a Man's world."

I don't know too many men who wear glossy lip balm. This, my friends, is for the ladies.

Front runners in the booming lip care industry, Lip Smacker, released today their most delicious flavor to date. I am speaking, of course, of the long anticipated "Chili Con Carne". This is the first release in their newest line of savory flavors. Although there are many more flavors to come, We are especially excited about this one.

Made from 100% USDA choice certified organic top sirloin, Malaysian red chili flake (one of the rarest and most delicious spices on planet earth), heirloom tomatoes, ranchero and kidney beans, this lip balm is almost good enough to eat. However, it is not recommended by the makers of Lip Smacker (FOR TOPICAL USE ONLY!). This delectable balm is sure to attract both men and animals alike. We are also anxiously awaiting their other forthcoming releases, which rumor has it, include:

Ham Salad, Creamed Corn, Arby's Beef & Cheddar, Queso Dip, Huevos Rancheros, Twice Baked Potato, Shrimp Scampi, Sloppy Joe and 3 Piece Chicken Tender Meal.

"Chili Con Carne" Lip Smacker Glossy Lip Balm is available in single tins ($4.99), 3 packs ($12.99) and 1 qt. tubes ($24.99). Lip Smacker is making their "Chili Con Carne" flavor available through http://www.chili-chat.com/.  We are offering free shipping on the first 1,000 orders. 

If you order now, you will also receive a commemorative, limited edition, one of a kind Chili Chat shoe horn (Available to U.S. customers only).

Cheers,



Local Dad Does Laundry. Forgets About the Chili in His Pleated Khaki Dad Pants.

REPORT - Chunky Texas Style Chili Unsuccessful in Plugging Cracks in Nuclear Reactor.

In a struggling effort to control the escalating situation at the Fukushima nuclear plant in Japan, authorities have informed Chili Chat that their latest effort has failed.  Early Wednesday morning Chili Chat contacted U.S. nuclear specialist Professor Dean Poont, who was on his way to a seminar in Yamada for leading scientists and engineers to discuss possible solutions to this crisis. We petitioned what we believed to be the obvious solution, chunky Texas style chili.

Efforts throughout the month to clog the leak with a special polymer, sawdust and even shredded newspapers failed to halt the flow at a cracked concrete maintenance pit near the shoreline. The water in that leak contains radioactive iodine at rates 10,000 times the legal limit.  We figured if this famous chunky Texas style chili can clog our arteries at an alarming rate, why couldn't it clog these cracks and potentially avert disaster?  Professor Poont agreed and brought our schematics, recipe and samples to the attention of the intelligent minds at the seminar.  To our surprise everyone in attendance loved the chili, the 4 crock pots we sent were emptied within 20 minutes of being announced at the buffet table. More importantly however, was the warm reception to the idea of filling the cracks with famous chunky Texas style chili. Within an hour of lunch being served, Chili Chat was hit with a massive order for 2,500 gallons of famous chunky Texas style chili.

After slaving away over burners and chopping blocks all week, we we're able to fill the order by Friday afternoon and overnight our famous chunky Texas style chili to the Fukushima plant by Saturday evening. The filling process began shortly after dinner time. Thousands of workers began filling the cracks by hand. Each was equipped with a 5 gallon bucket filled to the brim with famous chunky Texas style chili and a two foot loaf of french bread, which acted as an ideal spackling knife / delicious snack and gave the workers the energy they needed to forge ahead into the night.

By early Sunday evening roughly 95% of the crack had been patched with the delicious famous chunky Texas style chili. It would now take a few hours to test the radiation levels around the plant to see if the unlikely schlubs at Chili Chat would be responsible for deterring this horrible disaster.
It wasn't long before local wildlife and residents alike got a scent of the deliciously pungent famous chunky Texas style chili and flocked to the reactor in swarms, dismantling the hours of hard labor in just a few short minutes. It has yet to be seen if the radiation levels in the famous chunky Texas style chili were of a lethal level, but we have never seen so many satisfied patrons.

Although this project could be considered by some to be a huge disaster, We beg to differ.  Feeding a struggling country that is dealing with a horrible natural disaster is a blessing in disguise (pending the results of the radiation levels in the famous chunky Texas style chili.).  We won't be admitting defeat. We may not posses the scientific minds of an Albert Einstein or a Professor Dean Poont, but we know that there are stomachs to fill somewhere and we're glad our failed experiment could fill so many (again, this is pending the results of the radiation levels in the famous chunky Texas style chili.).

Cheers,