Seriously, the Most Serious Article I Will Ever Write.

This is the most serious article I will ever write:

For some, Graceland is the physical representation of music. For baseball fans, it's Cooperstown. The animal lovers travel to their mecca at the San Diego Zoo. Us chili-folk, we travel to our Nation's capitol, Washington D.C., to experience the ultimate chili-high. Ben's Chili Bowl has been a staple of the D.C. community since 1965.
This proudly black owned and operated restaurant served as a safe haven during the race riots of the 60's. Today Ben's seems to be the common denominator of D.C. and has changed very little since opening in 1965.


To be fair, We traveled to Washington for a wedding (which was splendid), but the secret agenda was obviously Ben's Chili Bowl. Being the adventurous folk we are, we decided to hoof it from our hotel to Ben's. Luckily we showed up parched and ready to stuff our faces. Per usual, the place was hopping. It's always a good sign when customers are willing to wait in a long line and not get cranky about it. The staff at Ben's is one of the most well oiled machines I've ever witnessed. Even though they knew damn well they were serving chili royalty, we were treated no different than the other joe schmoe patrons.

The menu was pretty impressive and included more than just chili. But nothing I'd consider "bells and whistles".

We began with a tempting paper boat of vegetarian chili cheese fries that Lance Crackers couldn't take his eyes off of.

The obvious choice for the entree was the famous Chili Half-Smoke, which Mrs. Crinkle and Mrs. Crackers also enjoyed. As the pictures illustrate, it's extremely poopie and delicious. I considered, for a moment, throwing it into the ceiling fan and giving the restaurant a nice hot chili shower After careful deliberation, I decided to forgo the comedic horror of a chili shower and shove it down my gullet. Lance enjoyed himself a delicious veggie chili dog with a side of veggie chili (which was served to his dismay with some Pepperage Farm bull-shit crackers).

I've gotta tell ya, Ben's isn't a tourist trap. It's absolutely worth the trip. The air reeks of both chili and history. Two things I really enjoy. Ben's Chili Bowl embodies everything that's wonderful about chili, except for the comedy. I topped off our trip with an homage to the King (and Shepard Fairey) on the exterior wall of Ben's. Just marking our turf.

Cheers,

Chili Chat Street Team making their presence known

Behind every good website about chili is an even better street team.

At last month's quarterly Chili Chat Council Meeting, C-C leaders urged the Street Team to step up their game. They did just that.

The anonymous team brought the chili cheer all across the Midwest.




















Subtle Chili Chat reminders are surfacing all over the United States. Restaurant owners, business owners, beach walkers, hot dog vendors, bums and many others now have the luxury of being constantly reminded to check in for the Chili Chat news.































Even this lucky (and unsuspecting) Chicago local got a surprise Chili Chat coupon in his back pocket! You can only imagine the sizable grin on his face when he finds that!
Keep up the good work, Street Team!

For Chili-Chat stickers, Fliers, or coupons please feel free to email us!

Woman almost kills cat with chili

According to a 2007 poll conducted by Chili Chat's R&D department, 91% of people in the United States like chili. That's people, not cats.

Tuesday morning there was an article printed in the Gorlyle, Idaho newspaper; The Fintel, about a woman who fed her cat an interesting dinner. Gertrude Malamar was spending a relaxing night at home with her cats when she ran out of Iams Healthy Naturals for her cat Pep-Pep. Malamar is a noted cat lover and has 6 felines roaming her home in Gorlyle.

"Pep-Pep will only eat the Healthy Naturals brand of cat food," Malamar explained. "He won't touch his brother Cornflake's chicken gravy flavored wet food. He's just so picky."

Malamar decided to improvise with some new dinner options, and took to the refrigerator. She came back with a crock pot full of her uncle Lyle's famous chili, and poured Pep-pep a healthy sized bowl. A watchful Pep-pep appeared from behind the sofa and sniffed the foreign substance in his usual cat food dish. About a minute and a half later Pep-pep had licked the bowl clean.

"It was a long day, and I sat down to rest my eyes. I must have dozed off," Malamar admitted.

When Malamar woke up the crock pot was on the ground tipped over in the center of her kitchen floor. It had been licked clean.

"I started screaming and lept up from my chair," Malamar began, "When I accidentally stepped in the chili I lost my footing and hit the ground hard."

When Malamar finally came to, she got up and frantically began a head count of her 6 cats. All six of them were accounted for, except Pep-pep. She made her way through the home and finally found Pep-pep sound asleep in her bed.

"I let out a huge sigh and laid down next to him."

Pep-pep was in quite the deep sleep. A chili coma, in fact. A frantic Malamar began running around the house screaming. Squad cars were on the scene within 10 minutes after three 911 calls came in about a woman screaming.

"I thought someone was being killed," admitted next door neighbor Clifford Pants. "Or that one of her cats had been killed."

"I was a little bit worried," Malamar agreed.

After several attempts at shaking Pep-pep out of his certain death, Goryle police had seen enough. Police Chief Carl Blither carefully placed a white sheet over the seemingly lifeless cat when a miracle occurred.

"It was the dangdest thing," said Blither. "The darn thing started Meowin." Pep-pep appeared from under the white sheet with what could only be described as a grin on his face. Malamar picked up the tabby feline and smothered him in kisses for several minutes while police and now much of the neighborhood looked on.

"It was just a miracle. I almost lost a son!" Malamar shouted at the Police chief.

"Just another day in Gorlyle," said Police Chief Blither.

Chili Chat Hits the Road.

This week, Lance Crackers and Chip Crinkle hit the road to visit Washington D.C.'s legendary "Ben's Chili Bowl".

I'm sure they have put chili in and on things that we never knew existed.
This will be like going away to basketball camp. Only we will return in worse shape than we came.

Who eats free at Ben's Chili Bowl?
- Bill Cosby
- The Obama Family

- ...Chili Chat?

Struggling Southwest Airlines to Make Some Delicious Changes.

In an official press release today, struggling Southwest Airlines has announced that in effort to cut costs it will be serving exclusively chili on all Continental and international flights. This news comes days after Southwest Airlines president, Dorf Stoan announced that the once prominent airline had posted a $45 million loss last year. "We're bleeding in a struggling industry. We need to step back and cut costs somewhere. I believe this process begins with our meal service." Stoan tells Chili Chat.
"I think this will be a welcomed change from our passengers. No more guessing games. No more 'Am I having the fish sandwich or the chicken kiev? I can't remember what I ordered.'. Every passenger that sets foot on our airline will know exactly what they will be eating for their in flight meal. And you know what, I think they'll like it." added a confident Stoan.


Each chili tray will be served as-is, with a dollop of sour cream, a hand full of shredded cheese and a few oyster crackers. Each flight will be given one crock pot upon take-off and when it's gone, it's gone. We have also learned that passengers requiring a Kosher meal have the option to have their meal blessed by Southwest's new in-flight rabbi. A much cheaper option than FAA required Air Marshall.


Chili Chat has also received unofficial word that Southwest Airlines will be replacing their oxygen masks with chili masks in case of an in-flight emergency. As well as doing away with bathrooms and drink cart service. Again, this is purely speculative. However, we do encourage all passengers who are flying Southwest, to relieve themselves and hydrate before the flight. From what we hear, that chili will burn a hole in your colon the size of a baby fist.


Cheers and happy flying,

A Tuba Full of Chili? I Dare You Not to Laugh.

[San Cranticso,CA] - It finally happened.  After years of playing "what if..." with chili related scenarios, someone finally got the ultimate chili treatment.

In his final day in band, tuba player Randy “Rip” Skripens was treated to one of the highest and most humiliating honors in the chili community. During 7^th period band class, Skripens, a second year sophomore, was a few measures away from his favorite crescendo in  John Phillips Sousa’s "Invincible Eagle", when delicious disaster struck. Twin brothers, Gil and Tate Saddlemeyer, who’s coronet solos were about 20 measures away, decided to duck behind the trombone section and fill the bell of Skipens’ tuba with hot, delicious beef and bean chili.  After 2 measures of rest, Skripens positioned his flabby embouchure over the mouthpiece and prepared for his shining moment.

As showers of hot chili exploded from Rip’s tuba like the fires of Mt. St. Helen’s, the Saddlemeyer brothers thought they were having the last laugh. Completely distraught from missing his shining moment, Skripens had enough.  He did what he hoped he would never have to do.  He told on them. The Saddlemeyer brothers were demoted to 6^th and 7^th chair, given 2 weeks of laundry duty for the marching band and we’re given a stern dressing down by Principal Scagnetti.

No other major injuries were reported.  Only a few woodwinds were harmed as a result of this prank and Skripens has since switched to the bassoon. “I’ve always been the fat tuba player.” Rip told Chili Chat. “I decided to try and change my identity a little.  I’ve never seen a fat guy play bassoon. Actually I’ve never seen anyone play bassoon.  Fat guys don’t play the bassoon do they?”

We wish Mr. Skripens the best of luck with his new venture and hope he’ll pass his Sophomore this time.  We salute the Saddlemeyer brothers for appreciating the humor in a tuba full of chili.

Cheers,

Chili Chat (finally) teams up with the F.B.I.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce the highly anticipated and inevitable partnership between Chili-Chat and the F.B.I.

After several hours of contractual negotiations, Chili-Chat Inc. came to an agreement with the executive officers of the F.B.I. to finally came to terms that could only be called a blockbuster deal. There have been rumors circulating the internet since early last spring of secret meetings between the two organizations and their looming conglomerate.

It is no secret that the Federal Bureau of Investigation are fans of chili after the 2006 investigation of the Black Bean Bomber. The Black Bean Bomber took nearly 100 lives in upstate New York using dynamite and canned chili. Newspapers across the nation were littered with write ups on the mysterious whereabouts of the bomber when Chili Chat's very own Cloaf Pidler helped lead to the bomber's hideout, claiming the answer came to him in a dream.

Chili Chat and the F.B.I. decided to make senior F.B.I. corespondent Klite Nightengale the new head of Chili Relations. Chili Relations plans to expand and hire a dozen new workers over the next quarter, but to land a job in the C.R. department is no small task. The F.B.I. has already turned down applications from Guy Fieri, Bill Cosby and English actor Daniel Day Lewis. Nightengale had plenty of ideas that he was excited to share with Chili Chat's Research and Development team.

"We're always looking for new non-lethal ways to take out bad guys," Boasted Nightengale. "We figure chili is a perfect medium for stunning a perp, without the blow being fatal. I had a meeting with Chip Crinkle and Wet Stetson in Pinatoba this weekend, and let me just say that the wheels are turning," Nightengale grinned.

Most F.B.I.-Chili Chat relations are very hush for the time being, but we are interested in what kind of promising endeavors the team will get into in the future. Rumor has it there is a chili dust powder grenade in the works. We can only hope so. God bless America!

Chili Davis Officially Endorses Chili Chat!

An announcement years in the making...This morning during Chili Chat’s weekly national chatting chili news hour, baseball and chili legend, Chili Davis announced that he was to become the official spokesperson for Chili Chat.  This news comes after countless attempts to reach Mr. Davis through his agent Clove Tuknish.  Chili, who is currently residing in the “Where are they now” files, was one of the greatest ball players of the late 80s and early 90s and has always been the unofficial spokesman for chili fans and advocates everywhere.  Until early this morning, nobody had heard from or seen Mr. Davis since his retirement ceremony where he showed up on LSD waving a souvenir bat and cast multiple spells on Peter Gammons.  So needless to say, hearing from him was both uncomfortable and joyous.

We received the call on Monday from Tuknish, who insisted we keep this announcement tight-lipped. “Chili doesn’t want to make a big ordeal about this.” he told Chili Chat.  “Chili is a very private guy. He really only leaves the house when he thinks the walls are getting too heavy or when he needs to refill his magic potions.” added Tuknish.  Davis, who showed up to the news conference in a rickshaw, pulled by two 12 year olds wearing suits, kept insisting he forgot his sneakers and his sack lunch. It took us about an hour to convince him that his sneakers were on his feet and that, as promised, lunch was provided.  “When’s game time, Skip?” Davis kept asking.  We assumed he meant the press conference. Finally, a confident Chili Davis walked into a packed press room, full to the brim with reporters and chili fans alike.  Here is what Mr. Davis had to say:

“Good morning friends.  Oh, hi.  My name is Chili Davis and I’d like to take this moment to announce that, I, Chili Davis officially like jello-chat.com.  I have always liked jello and I think that it’s time people everywhere like jello too.  It’s great for me to endorse this fine product because we both have the same name. Probably my favorite flavor or jello is purple jello.  I remember one time, Kirby Puckett asked me if he could eat my jello in the clubhouse and I told him, I respect you Kirby, but I really want to eat my jello. One time I even cast a spell on Peter Gammons and turned him into jello. So with the ears of the nation all over me, it is with great pride and respect that I let everyone know that Chili Davis will be the new official spokesplayer for Bill Cosby chat.com. Zap, I’m outta here.”

About an hour later, after Mr. Davis came to, he quickly revised his statements saying “You can fill in where I messed up, but keep the message the same because I think it was a homerun.  Also, make that check out to Jello Davis.”

Even though we didn’t get the same Chili Davis we all remember from his days in the big show and found out that he doesn’t even like chili, we couldn’t be happier about this partnership. We know that Chili Davis will represent Chili Chat well and we look forward to many years of greatness.

Chili Chat’s first television commercial, featuring Mr. Davis, will air June 22^nd on ESPN Deucer.

Chili Davis hand drawn doodles will also be available on a first come, first serve basis.

Coming soon: Chili Davis / Chili Chat satin bullpen jackets, Chili Davis jello mold and Chili Davis toe socks.

Cheers,