[San Cranticso,CA] - It finally happened. After years of playing "what if..." with chili related scenarios, someone finally got the ultimate chili treatment.
In his final day in band, tuba player Randy “Rip” Skripens was treated to one of the highest and most humiliating honors in the chili community. During 7th period band class, Skripens, a second year sophomore, was a few measures away from his favorite crescendo in John Phillips Sousa’s "Invincible Eagle", when delicious disaster struck. Twin brothers, Gil and Tate Saddlemeyer, who’s coronet solos were about 20 measures away, decided to duck behind the trombone section and fill the bell of Skipens’ tuba with hot, delicious beef and bean chili. After 2 measures of rest, Skripens positioned his flabby embouchure over the mouthpiece and prepared for his shining moment.
As showers of hot chili exploded from Rip’s tuba like the fires of Mt. St. Helen’s, the Saddlemeyer brothers thought they were having the last laugh. Completely distraught from missing his shining moment, Skripens had enough. He did what he hoped he would never have to do. He told on them. The Saddlemeyer brothers were demoted to 6th and 7th chair, given 2 weeks of laundry duty for the marching band and we’re given a stern dressing down by Principal Scagnetti.
No other major injuries were reported. Only a few woodwinds were harmed as a result of this prank and Skripens has since switched to the bassoon. “I’ve always been the fat tuba player.” Rip told Chili Chat. “I decided to try and change my identity a little. I’ve never seen a fat guy play bassoon. Actually I’ve never seen anyone play bassoon. Fat guys don’t play the bassoon do they?”
We wish Mr. Skripens the best of luck with his new venture and hope he’ll pass his Sophomore this time. We salute the Saddlemeyer brothers for appreciating the humor in a tuba full of chili.
Cheers,
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