Don't Get Mad, Just Get Chili'd

Has someone ever really chapped your asshole? Maybe they did something as little as cut in front of you at your local Dollar Store. Or maybe your boss wouldn't let you take off to make it in time for your Jimmy Buffett Concert. I hate it when I miss the opening of Chiliburger in Paradise. Perhaps you just caught your best friend sleeping with your favorite bowl of homemade chili (Hey! That's MY chili your sleeping with!).

The truth is this list could go on and on of ways you have been wronged by your fellow chili consumer. Well I'm here to give you Mr. Chiloholic's Top 5 ways to seek revenge through the awesome power of chili.

1. Fill up the wrong doers underpants with some spicy, spicy chili. He'll be sure to feel the heat!
2. You were never good enough for her to carry your child? Well just replace her birth control with some white beans. Guaranteed that she'll never know the difference and before you know it she'll be expecting her own little chili bean.
3. Don't mean to cross-sell here but I must admit that pouring a little too much Chili-Lax (patent pending) into your boss' coffee is sure to leave him with an interesting morning. Let's see how worried he'll be about your vacation time when he is occupied with kidney failure and numbness of the penis (the last one is a personal side effect I have experienced).
4. Replace all of their personal chili with Patterson's Brand Hot Dog Chili (Sorry Chip, I told you I was going to get you back for whipping me with that towel in the chili sauna). Come home from a hard days work, look forward to reading the paper and winding down with some homemade chili and your smacked in the face with Patterson's Poop.
5. Someone pulls into your parking spot at the Ponderosa? Well let's see how fast they put their car in park when they find out you replaced their break fluid with sour cream!
   

In this case, chili is a dish best served at any temperature.

Please do not limit your vengeance to these five. You can be creative and let it take on a life of its own. The Chili Chat Team encourages you to contribute your own unique ideas in the Chili-Vengeance Comments section.

An aside, while I am not a big follower of South Park I think that Cartman has the right idea here.