Local hero flawlessly eats chili dog.

Sources close to Chili Chat have reported that on Sunday, November 14, 2011, this local hero flawlessly devoured a chili dog at the A&W on highway 94.
Not a drop of chili was spilled, nor a napkin used. It went down with perfect grace and decadence.

Cheers,



10,000 fans probably can't be wrong. Right?

This marks a momentous day for this great nation. Just the past weekend, the world renowned Chili Chat received its 10,000 visitor! This is a wonderful day in the scope of history.  All of us here the Chili Chat World Headquarters would like to personally offer each one of the 10,000 visitors their choice of a chili high-five, an open palmed chili slap on the butt, a chili pat on the shoulder or a firm respectful chili soaked hand shake.  The choice is yours.

Thank you to our loyal patrons and accidental stumbles as well.  There is plenty more chili coverage to be had out there.  Let’s raise a Chili Chat Commemorative Chili Chalice to 10,000 more bowls!

A big shout out to our fans in:

Russia, United Kingdom, Germany, India, Canada, France, Japan, Moldova, Switzerland, Panama, Romania and Turkey just to name a few.

Cheers,

Introducing the Commemorative Chili Chat Chili Chalice.

How do you eat your chili?
Out of a bowl like a damn fool?

Chili Chat is making it easier than ever to eat your chili in style. After years of research and development, followed by months of production, Chili Chat is pleased to introduce the Commemorative Chili Chat Chili Chalice.

This is not your ordinary, everyday boring old chalice. This is the finest vessel ever crafted to hold liquid. Hand forged from the rarest platinum on planet earth or elsewhere, this chalice will hold chili as hot as 2000 degrees. With its classical design and extreme portability, you can take your 12 lb. lightweight Chili Chalice anywhere! Our favorite part of the Chili Chalice is its versatility.  We've not only filled ours with 48 oz. of piping hot chili, we've also thought outside the box. Here's what else we found out you can fill your Chili Chalice with:

- Creamed Corn

- Coleslaw

- Pulled Pork

- Scrambled Eggs

- Captain's Stew

- Nacho Cheese

- Tapioca Pudding

- Walnuts

- Blue Cheese

- 1000 Island Dressing

- Cream Chipped Beef

- Sausage Gravy

- Spicy Vegetarian Curry

- 6 cassette tapes

- French Onion Dip

(NOTE: Filling the Commemorative Chili Chat Chili Chalice with anything other than chili, immediately voids the warranty.)

Just listen to these testimonials:

"Wow, a chili chalice. Now that's something you can hang your hat on!" - Kleepbop Sanders (Pencil, MI)

"I can't ever imagine eating out of a bowl again. Thanks Chili Chat!" - Gill Peppersnack (Diddlebrook, ID)

"This is a masterpiece of contemporary culinary art with the beauty of a Christ-era relic." - Tuffy Reyburn (Frinkle Lake, UT)

"I use mine everyday and my sex life has never been better!" - Trink Doozler (Langles Korner, FL)

And those are just some of our satisfied test customers.

These will be sold on a first come first serve basis. Production was halted at 500 and the blueprints were destroyed. Please limit 2 per order.

The Commemorative Chili Chat Chili Chalice is available NOW for the exclusive price of $399.99.

With the holidays right around the corner, Chili Chat is the perfect place to purchase gifts for your all your loved ones. To help out your wallet, we have recently discounted a few of our Chili Chat branded items, including: Windbreakers, decorative plates, shoehorns, throw pillows and tri-fold wallets.  There's no better way to show someone you care!

Cheers,

Chili Chat's Chili Model of the Year Signs Lucrative Contract.

Chili Chat is delighted to announce that 2011's chili model of the year has signed an 8 year contract with Hormel!

A virtual unknown in the chili modeling industry, Gert Cheddar was working as concierge at a Ramada in Beaverton, OR, before a chance meeting with Chili Chat in December, 2010.

After the long drive to Beaverton for the 35^th annual Sour Cream festival, the Chili Chat team checked into their favorite Ramada Inn and Suites, which is just a stone’s throw from the Blearn Kitsmiller Memorial Convention Center and needed to fill their bellies.  We decided to visit the hotel’s friendly concierge, Gert Cheddar, who was able to direct us to the finest chili establishment in all of Beaverton.  Luckily she was just finishing up her shift and offered to join us for a bowl and show us a bit of the town.

We followed Gert in her ’71 Ford Pinto to Pippenbrink’s Pub n’ Grub, a dinky little dive just off the beaten path. After conversing with some of the local folk, we got down to business and ordered up 5 bowls of their finest chili. It was apparent from the first bite that Gert was born to eat chili. It just came so naturally, we didn’t hesitate to offer her a part time gig doing some freelance chili modeling.

After our first photo shoot with Gert and a kiddie pool of firehouse chili, the phones began to ring off the hook with offers from some of the biggest names in the chili world.  It was only a matter of time before she inked a lucrative deal with one of the top dogs in the industry.

Congratulations to Hormel Chili for locking up this beauty for 8 years. The terms of this deal were undisclosed, but our accountants are estimating anywhere between 1.5 - 2 million dollars, plus chili incentives. Don’t fret though gents, as part of contractual negotiations with Hormel, the lovely Gert Cheddar will remain a freelance model for chili chat for years to come!

Congratulations Gert, you’re goin’ places kid!

Cheers,

PLEASE WELCOME: Bean Lombardi McCarthy - 16 oz.(426 g)!

Keeping you updated on our previous story (here and here), the wife of Green Bay Packers head coach Mike McCarthy, gave birth today to a brand new baby can of chili.

McCarthy, who was involved in a horrific chili incident following the Packers Super Bowl victory last February, informed Chili Chat today that their new daughter was in fact a healthy can of chili. Doctors report that his wife, Jessica McCarthy, had no complications during the labor, which was the first ever reported birth of a chili baby. "After the incident, doctors told me something like this may happen, but we were willing to risk it." said the Coach. Deciding not to find out the sex of the baby before hand, Mike and his wife were busy preparing their newborn's unisex nursery when Jessica's chili broke.

Coach McCarthy rushed his wife to Kleepsake Memorial Hospital, where stunned doctors helped to successfully deliver the 16oz. can of beef and bean chili. "We knew the risk was low since the chili gene is only on my side, so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised. Plus is was much cleaner than I expected." McCarthy reported. Doctors were not able to remove the can with forceps, instead they had to act quickly under pressure. That was when Doctor Shoosh Mercantile ran for the kitchen and grabbed two large spoons. "This is my first delivery, I can't believe I thought of that!" Mercantile told Chili Chat. "I actually brought chili for lunch and completely lost my appetite. I ended up finishing my leftover ham salad from Sunday." said a suddenly disappointed Mercantile.

The McCarthy family plan to raise Bean as if it were a normal human baby and not a freak 16 oz. can of chili. "We couldn't be happier to welcome our new lil Bean into this world. She has a chili dad and a non-chili mother, I know this world my not be accepting of it, but we love Bean unconditionally." McCarthy proudly told Chili Chat.


We couldn't be happier for the McCarthy family. We wish them the best of luck as new parents to a beautiful can of chili.

If you would like to send a gift, please email us so we can provide contact information. They are currently in need of napkin diapers, oyster cracker rattles and sour cream rash balm.


Cheers,

Local College Student Banned from Public Park

Some things never change.

Chili Chat regrets to inform its readers that Mudd Reebok is in the news again. Mudd Reebok was having lunch with a few friends in Fuddle Park yesterday afternoon. According to local Parks & Rec representative, Gerald Cloaf, authorities were called after a woman claimed that her toddler son had burned himself on searing hot chili after going down a playground slide.

Cloaf arrived on the scene to find Reebok halfway up a tree attempting to "catch that stupid squirrell." After some 15 minutes Reebok came down from the tree and had an angry Gerald Cloaf to deal with.

"Whats this I hear about you dumping hot chili down the kiddie's slide?!" Questioned an angered Cloaf. After a half hearted attempt to dodge the question, Reebok took the blame for the spilled mess.

According to eye witness testimony Reebok and a few of his friends had visited Koogan's Restaurant and purchased several bowls of their famous 911 chili. The plan was to have a contest, who could finish their bowl first. After a few pain staking minutes of eating, Reebok excused himself to go use the restroom. He took his spicy bowl of Koogan's finest with him.

Reebok returned to his friends seated at the park picnic table and proclaimed that he had finished his bowl on the way to the bathroom, and in turn had won the contest. None of Reebok's friends claimed to have believed that he had finished the bowl.

"So you dumped the rest of your chili down the kiddie slide?" Questioned a bewildered Cloaf. Reebok agreed that he had. Three eye witnesses claimed to have seen Reebok do the deed.

There were no arrests made although Cloaf made Reebok stay and clean up the slide while everyone stood and watched.

"You don't have to just stand there and watch me!" Declared Reebok. Reebok was asked to never return to the park, and that if he was caught Police action would be taken.

Three days later Reebok Tweeted this picture of himself "planking" at Fuddle Park:

Bowl of Chili Helps Unmask Robber!

It was just another Monday morning, or so Koogan Paper thought, when he arrived at his restaurant at 6:00 am. Koogan Paper owns and works as head chef at his restaurant; Koogan's. Koogan entered his restaurant and immediately realized that someone had broken in. In fact, Koogan's had been robbed.

Koogan's has been open for business for 6 years and has become quite the local favorite, and was even featured on Food Network's Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. It wasn't long before the police, a small crowd, and the local news crews were on the scene. The place was roughed up a bit, tables turned over, the kitchen a mess, and the cash register left open, empty.

The bandits had made off with around $2,300 from the cash register and certainly left their mark using the dining area as a bathroom before taking off.

"Smells like shit in here, Paper," noted Sheriff Lee Camper as he entered the establishment. The Sheriff scanned the scene of the crime with a bandana covering his nose, taking notes.



Koogan and the Sheriff took to the managers office to console the surveillance tapes. The entire melee had been caught on tape. At 3:15 am three masked men entered Koogan's using a crowbar to break through the back door. The thieves first move was for the cash register. After filling their small bag with the money, the crooks roughed up the place a bit. One of the men disappeared off screen and came back with a bowl and a spoon, while the other men decided it was time to relieve themselves on a few tables. The man with the bowl and spoon had taken a bowl of chili that was simmering in a pot and brought it out the dining room for a taste. After 3 failed attempts of bringing the spoon through the small cut in his ski mask to his mouth, the man removed his ski mask and continued eating the bowl, unmasked. The man was immediately identified by the Sheriff.



"That's Gil Tender! I'd know that jail bird anywhere," Shouted the Sheriff.

Gil Tender was arrested outside of his motor home an hour later and quickly ratted out his two accomplices. Guy Feather and Kagle Moon were booked later that afternoon and brought into the police station for questioning. Local police were able to recover $1,600 of Koogan's money, as Kagle Moon claimed the rest was spent on a Playstation 3 and a hunting knife.

Koogan's is currently closed for repairs and cleaning, and plans to open back up next week.

Chili Chat Presents - Fantasy Chili 2011: Power Rankings

As summer begins to wind down, leaves fall from the trees and youngsters return to school, it can mean only one thing...Chili season!

I'm sure most of you have been following chili very closely this off-season eagerly awaiting the first bowl. Like millions of Americans, I’m sure you’re also getting close to your fantasy chili draft. This season posts many tough questions, like “Will chicken chili bounce back this year?” and “Do I take Firehouse or Sirloin with the first pick?”.  As always, we’re here for you.  Our chili analysts have spent a majority of their offseason crunching numbers, comparing, contrasting and debating over where each and every bowl of chili ranks this season.  Consider this your cheat sheet.

(These rankings are for 10 team standard scoring leagues.)

10. White Chili: Making the leap to the big board this year.  White chili has been an up and coming stud over the last two seasons and we think this will be its breakout year (especially with the bread bowl crowd).

9. Texas Chunk Chili:  A few spots down from last year’s ranking due to the Dallas Cowboy’s chili confetti incident, but don’t be afraid to draft Texas Chunk.  A great steal if it falls a few positions on your draft board.  Don’t underestimate the heartiness of those green peppers and onions.

8. Verde Chili: This year’s steal.  We think Verde has the potential to win you your league this year.  Most won’t see this underdog coming, so don’t listen to the naysayers telling you that you’re over bidding for this one.  Not only one of the best chilis to fill someone’s cargo pockets with, but one of the best to bring to a work party and look like a real top notch employee.  If you decide to draft Verde, make sure you handcuff your pick and draft some tortilla chips in the late rounds.

7. Sirloin Chili: Hasn’t shown much improvement since last year, but never fails to put up numbers.  A solid veteran with some fresh upside now that it’s available in a can, thanks to Campbell’s Chunky lineup.

6. Chicken Chili: Lean and mean.  Chicken chili has been risen on our board each of the last 4 seasons, with no signs of slowing.  Since the inception of the to-go container, Chicken chili has the highest take out rate of any chili on our board. Now that’s something you can hang your hat on!

5. Vegetarian Chili: This was a tough one.  Vegetarian could easily be in the 4^th spot. We’re giving the slight advantage to 3 bean because of the vegetable to bean ratio.  But don’t let that sway your decision.  Veggie will have a great year.  Given the boost in quality of artificial meat substitutes and improved spices over the past year, make Veggie a clear top 5 chili.

4. 3 Bean Chili: Many across the league would argue that 3-Bean is not a chili. I’ve even heard comparisons to Michael Jordan playing baseball.  But that’s just not fair. 3-Bean is a solid contender every season.  When the league expanded to 25 beans 2 season ago, it opened the door for 3-Bean to make a solid run at MVP.  Maybe not this year, but definitely a step in the right direction.

3. Turkey Chili: Early reports out of camp say Turkey has really trimmed down this season.  After a disappointing 2010 campaign, Turkey is ready for a strong comeback.  We’re definitely riding that bus.  Last year appeared to be a fluke and Chili Chat is not ready to write Turkey off yet. Feel free to bid as many as 50 oyster crackers on this horse.  Remember, you heard it here first!

2. Firehouse Chili: Last year’s MVP and a clear cut winner at any level.  Despite an outstanding 2010 campaign, Firehouse may have taken a step back this season with the chili filled fire hose incident in the off season.  We don’t think that will effect much of the season, but the 2 week suspension may provide opportunity for others to show their skills and knock Firehouse down a peg or two.  Rumors have it, “The House” may have added noodles this year.  More as that develops.

1. 4 Alarm Chili: We think this is finally the year for 4 Alarm to shine.  4 has been in our top 5 for the last 4 season and we think this is the year it takes that final step and proves itself as a number one chili.  If this season was as goddamned cold as last season, we think it will hands down be a 4 Alarm kinda year.  Going number one overall in almost 80% of mock drafts this year, we think the nation agrees.  Barring unforeseen food poisoning or diarrhea, we think you can ride 4 Alarm to the championship game!

Sleeper: Chorizo Chili

Dud: Horse Chili

On the bubble: Cincinnati Chili, Chili Dog, Chili Go-Gurt

Good luck this season and happy eating.

Cheers,

Fireman Death Shakes Small Town

Tragedy struck the small town of Bleuth, Kansas yesterday when a local firefighter died in front of a large crowd.


The third Saturday in August usually represents the near end of summer, the school year nearing, and the dog days of summer. For the small town of Bleuth it means much more. Every third Saturday in August, for the last 16 years, the streets are shut down and Bleuthfest begins! Bleuthfest consists of 8 hours of fun, food and drink. This year Bleuthfest featured a hay rack ride, a dunk tank, a tractor pull, an eating contest, a magic show and all the cold beer you can drink!


The festival begins each year when the town mayor, Horace Trotter, gives the opening remarks wearing his teal Bleuthe Lugnuts Letterman jacket. The jovial mayor's remarks set the mood for the whole festival and prepare everyone for a day of fun. Trotter closes the speech by announcing the secret entree for the food eating contest. This year's pick was Chili Pie provided by local restaurant The Feed Wagon. Trotter ironically stated; "Hopefully no one eats themselves to death."


Owner and head chef of The Feed Wagon, Guy Mandelay, announced this years participants in the eating contest. The crowd cheered the loudest for last years winner; Tornado Bramble. Bramble was a Bleuth native that worked as a firefighter by day and a competitive eater by night. Last year he took home the title after finishing off 11 of Ms. Coolbaugh's peppered porkchops.


The contest started and the eaters began their onslaught of chili pie. After several minutes there were two clear cut leaders; Mark Dash and Tornado Bramble. Dash was starting to slow down and wet his moist brow with a bandana. Bramble let out a loud cry and took another massive helping of hearty chili pie into his mouth. Bramble was starting to turn red. His chewing began to slow down and eventually cease. His eyes went blank and he fell face first into the chili pie.


The crowd roared with laughter at what they thought was Tornado pulling another one of his wisecracks. Last year he faked like he was going to throw up all over the crowd, earning him style points with the judges. After several seconds the crowds laughter turned into whispers and worry. Mark Dash never looked away from his seemingly endless chili pie. The mayor was the first one at Bramble's side, and found him non responsive. He checked the eater's pulse, and then gave a look to the crowd that only meant one thing. Tornado Bramble was dead. The mayor let a single tear run down his cheek, took off his Lugnuts jacket and covered up Bramble's body with it.




The festival shut down early and set a somber haze over the town of Bleuth. The next day the flag outside of The Feed Bag flew at half mast. Mark Dash went on to win the eating contest.

mmm mmm Yummy Earth

Grab some Yummy Earth!





















I was given this bag of Organic Hot Chili Pops, brought to you by the good people at Yummy Earth, as a gift. 




















The verdict is...guilty of being absolutely delicious!

Local cheapskate passes on the dollar up-charge for chili – sticks with the coleslaw.

At around 8:15pm last night, local cheapskate Pyke Rasburt slapped chili in the face, hard.

According to friends, Rasburt a “Class-A dumbass”, tagged along with them for dinner and drinks at Gorky’s Pub.
Rasburt racked up an impressive $12 tab for the night (which included his half priced burger, one Schlitz tall boy, four glasses of water and a less than generous tip). “Good luck getting that d-bag to spring for anything. I’m surprised he didn’t order off the kids menu.” Taupe Shingle told Chili Chat. Shingle, a long time pal of Rasburt informed us that this isn’t the first time he’s been a tightwad. “I think it was last Thursday, he turned down the $1 up-charge for seasoned fries.  C’mon man, what the fuck?!  Sometimes it’s worse than going out with my ex-girlfriend. And now this shit with the chili. I know he likes chili. It’s like a buck dude. He didn't even touch the coleslaw. And it’s not even like we even invite him, he just always finds some way to show up and be a complete fuck up. Sorry, I’m just super annoyed with the guy. I love him and all, but geeze, just live a little sometimes.”

We’re not exactly sure why Rasburt would turn down a bowl of homemade chili. $1 is no excuse. Our guess, an obvious chemical imbalance.

It has yet to be seen if Rasburt will be invited to former college roommate, Gill Knapsack's bachelor party next month. At $100 a head, Rasburt will probably just "Drop by for a few drinks".
Wise up pal.

Cheers,

Local artist officially invites Chili Chat to "SUCK IT".

An anonymously talented local artist has extended an invitation for Chili Chat to "SUCK IT". The Palomino Bar in Milwaukee, WI is widly known for their impressive bathroom art. Inventive tags like "Hipsters Pee Here", "You Suck" and "69" paired along side of several hastily carved pentagrams and anarchy symbols make this bathroom an outlet for creative minds to speak.

Obviously we are honored. You can't beat this kind of press. Dozens of slightly to extremely drunk males in the 21-40 year old demographic urinate in that toilet every day. Talk about reaching your target audience. We are encouraging any and all fans of Chili Chat to graciouly invite us to "Get Bent","Fuck Off", "Shut Up", "Go to Hell" or "Eat Soup".


Cheers...and also, suck it.

 

Chili Co.'s new Chili Soaker is a blast of hot fun!

Gather your friends and enemies.  Chili Co., the world’s largest producer of chili related toys, announced today that summer is about to get a hot blast of fun!

According to their website, this summer’s must have toy, the Chili Soaker, will begin shipping today. According to KB Toys manager Kelp Shrimpton, pre-sales for the Chili Soaker have long since sold out.  “We began taking pre-orders over the holiday season.  We sold about 600 of them, only to find out we’re only getting 20 units.  But don’t fret, we’re very prepared for rioting.  In fact it’s covered in our training video.” Shrimpton told Chili Chat.

Anyone who's familiar with Chili Co.'s innovative product line can feel safe in assuming the much anticipated Chili Soaker is not your ordinary squirt gun.  Where normal squirt guns shoot only plain old boring water, the Chili Soaker shoots a delicious high pressured stream of hot, tasty chili at about 750 psi!  Now that’s sure to knock your neighborhood bully down a few pegs on the social ladder. The Chili Soaker can hold almost any type of chili.  It’s patented bean filter make clogging almost impossible. Their flagship model will hold 50 liters of chili, with expansion packs planned for the future.  The interchangeable tanks make this model ideal not only for chili, but also for sour cream, cheese sauce or any other condiment under the sun!  And unlike other chili squirt guns, changing the grease trap is a snap! Get ready to have a hot blast this summer with the new Chili Soaker.

The Chili Co. Chili Soaker is fun for all ages and will be available for the modest price of $44.99 at your local KB Toys, Service Merchandise, TJ Maxx and Venture stores.

Have a blast this summer and blast someone with chili!

Cheers,

Chili Co. Releases New Innovative Smart-Phone App. Even We're Impressed!

We live in a grab and go society and Chili Co. knows it.

Technology giants, Chili Co. announced today via Chili Fax, that their first smart phone app is now available for purchase. We received a beta version a few months ago for testing purposes and have nothing but the finest things to say about the new “Chili Spoon” app.

How it works is both incredibly easy and insanely innovative. Yet the technology behind it remains a very closely guarded secret. How many times have you been on the city bus, in a movie theater or waiting in line at the library when hunger strikes?  You pull out favorite chili thermos and go for your spoon, only to find out you left in your cargo shorts pocket, again!  Now, thanks to Chili Co., you never need to take a spoon with you again. This high functioning and graphically sophisticated app is the last chili spoon you will ever need.  When hunger strikes, fire up the app.  You’ll immediately see your spoon drawer.  From there you select what type of spoon works best for your chili.  There is also an auto-spoon feature that will decide on a spoon for the indecisive eater.  Once your spoon is selected, you simply choose your type of chili from the database of over 1,700 options.  Remove any case or accessory on your phone and you’re ready to feast.  Simply dunk your smart phone into your chili like you would any normal spoon and enjoy!  The Chili Spoon app takes care of the rest (except the chewing).  Cleanup is a snap too.  Just wipe the chili off the phone with a damp washcloth and  it’s back to business.

It seems Chili Co. has done it again. They never cease to impress.  We have heard rumors about future upgrades including possibly adding forks as well as an innovative cracker selection feature that is sure to impress.  A slotted spoon feature, that's a must have for crock pots, will be available in September for the iPad.

The Chili Spoon app is available now for most smart-phones for $9.99.  It’s absolutely worth every penny!

Chili Spoon - $9.99

(Please remember, this app is for chili only. Using this spoon for any other meal could damage your phone and void the warranty. Do not make phone calls while enjoying this app.)

Cheers,

Local Chili Dog Lacks Chili.

This miserable looking 'chili dog' anticipates months of ridicule from its peers.

New Chili Chat Street Team Video!

Greetings all!


Earlier this month Chili Chat sent a camera crew to Racine, WI to the First Friday Festival that takes place the first Friday of each month in the Downtown Racine area. The First Friday celebration lasts from 6-9 pm and features live music, food, beverages, and a lively atmosphere.


I think the Street Team did a good job spreading the Chili Cheer! Enjoy.

Chili Rivers Band Reunites to Record Benefit Album for Suffering Chilitown, USA.

Some thought they would never see it again in their lifetime, but Chili Chat has received confirmation that it's happening. The Chili Rivers Band has announced via Chili Co. Chili Fax, that they indeed are reuniting nearly 25 years after calling it quits. Lead singer and mandolin virtuoso Kleep Peepers informed Chili Chat that a new album and benefit concert is currently in the works. "The old gang is back! Every last one of them." said Peepers. Kleep will be joined by the original members of CRB (minus the late Wiley 'Slap' Bugleschmidt); Zip Krenshaw (Washtub bass, vox), Thurl Tandy (Jaw-harp, vox), Vance Crump (banjo, guitar, vox), Trip 'Suds' Browning (percussions, vox) and Berry Twigs (clarinet, vox).

CRB were ahead of their time. There's no question about it. They began playing together in 1968 after a chance meeting at the local fishin' hole in the small town of Fleeburt, MT. Their 1970 debut album "Chili in the Water", produced a number 1 single and gave the band some very positive press from music and food critics alike. Over the next few years they would continue to produce the bright, yet eerie sounds that would come to define the band's signature "Chili-Rag" sound. Shortly after the release of "Clove Basket" in 1976, their first album to not chart, the band lost lead organ player, Wiley 'Slap' Bugleschmidt to a lengthy battle with gingivitis.

In retrospect, this was clearly the turning point in for band. In the summer of 1977, Crump released his first solo album "3 Bean Salad" to extremely luke-warm reviews. When the band returned to the studio in 1978 to hone their new sound, it was clear that Crump had lost his focus. After spending a summer in the studio with the illustrious producer, Kelp Seebach, Crump had developed a nagging soup habit. This clearly did not mesh with the rest of the band, who's hit singles included, "Takin' Care of Chili", "Chill out Granny", "My Chili is Nothing (without you)" and "Gather 'Round Ye Chili Brother". After the reluctant release of "Progressive Chili Nose", a progressive art-rock blunder, Krenshaw began to spiral out of control with a horrid soup addiction. Hard times were clearly upon the once prominent act.  After a few year hiatus, where Crum and Krenshaw were able to sober up in controlled facility, the band regrouped to rekindle the spark. In 1986, a much older and wise CRB released the beautiful "Tears of Chili and Love" to a warm reception. But it was not to be. CRB had grown apart. Some had moved on to penning songs about hoagies or chicken salad. Others just moved on and became family men.

As I'm sure you are aware, Chilitown USA has been suffering from one of the worst chili droughts in 70 years. Dozens have been left hungry and without a trace of chili. Local diners, grocers and water fountains are all running dry with the once prominent resource. The local chili fountain in the town square has now been filled with boring old water. Tourism is at a standstill.  Things just couldn't get any worse for Chilitown USA.

When jaw-harp player Thurl Tandy, read an article about the horrific chili drought that recently hit Chilitown USA, he immediately got on the horn and notified his bandmates. "I figured, if there was anyone out there who could help...gosh darnit, it's gotta be the Chili Rivers Band. This is our calling. Chilitown USA needs us now, more than ever." It took some time to reach out to the band he once called his family.  Once everyone was reunited in the studio to record a benefit song, it was clear that the magic and passion was back. Not only did CRB record a powerful and moving track simply called "Chilitown USA", but they kept the tape rolling and laid down several more tracks that will be included on an upcoming release. "It's our first album in almost 25 years. It's great to be back with the guys tipping back a few bowls of chili and just letting the music flow though us." Trip Browning told Chili Chat.

Their self titled release will be available on cassette and CD format July, 15.

A benefit show in Chilitown USA will take place on July, 30 in Chilibluff park.

Tickets are available for purchase at www.chili-chat.com or www.chiliriversband.net.

We will also be collecting chili donations through the USPS. Stay tuned for more details.

Cheers,

Yao Ming Retires...Bruised, Broken and Hungry.

Former superstar Yao Ming retired from the NBA today after a myriad of injuries cut his career short.

The 6 time all-star, will pack his bindle and take his 7'5'' frame back to China without ever eating a bowl of All-American chili in his 8 years in the United States. "Bush league." said former Houston Rockets teammate Shane Battier. "You know, if I went to China, I'd have at least one egg roll. Even though I prefer crab rangoon, I'd still have an egg roll.  That's what you eat when you’re in China. When you're in the United States, you eat chili and probably pizza. I think he just ate sweet and sour chicken every day.  I don't think I saw him go to McDonald's once the whole time he was here." a clearly passionate Battier told a reporter from the Chili Chat Network.

We too find this disturbing. After some research we discovered that the Houston Rockets hold a chili dump every year before the all-star break. This tradition dates back to their 1997 championship season, when Mario Ellie and Clyde Drexler convinced Hakeem Olajuwon to break his month long fast by eating what they called "Magic Bean Salad". Hakeem was hooked and vowed to carry on the tradition.  However, Yao managed to have a 'commitment' every time the chili dump rolled around. "I once tried to offer him a bowl of Kenny Smith's homemade chili and I even told him he could eat it with chop sticks and he still refused! Then I said it would really help him beef up so he could box out Shaq. You know what he said to me?! 'I don't eat beef soup.' He called the shit soup!" said Battier. Talk about beating a dead horse.

According to NBA sources, Yao has a "fat chance" of making the hall of fame once this story hits the press.

Cheers,

It's a Chili Beach Blanket Blast!

Now that summer is officially upon us, we can finally take our jean shorts and floppy tank-tops out of moth balls and spend some time really enjoy the outdoors. To assist you in making the most of your summer season, Chili Chat has spent the past few months compiling a comprehensive list of the best things to do with your left over chili this season. Keep in mind, these are just suggestions. There are many, many ways to enjoy your chili during these hot and humid months.

- “Water” balloons: Chili is much better for your health than crummy, boring water.  It also makes for a much more satisfying explosion.

- Slip n’ Slide: All you need is a tarp, hose and a chili line running directly to your house.  If you only have a boring water line running to your home, call your municipal water company and ask them when the new chili lines will be installed in your area.

- Hot Potato: Fill a zip-lock bag with chili, stand in a circle with your closest friends, start the timer and see who ends up with the busted bag of chili all over their chest.

- Kiddie Pool: Although you might be too big to still fit in a kiddie pool, that shouldn’t stop you from soaking your feet in a refreshing kiddie pool filled with chunky chili con carne.

- Chili Pen-Pal: Fill an envelope with your favorite chili and send it to a stranger.  You will soon have yourself a chili pen-pal. Think of all the great times the two of you will have.  Who knows? You may end up being best friends or passionate lovers.

- Tie Dye: Take an old pillow case, tear it into strips, tie some rubber bands around it and dunk it into your favorite chili.  Allow it to dry for a few hours and you will soon have customized chili bandannas to wipe your brow during these hot summer months.

- Chili Pops: Fill an ice cube tray with your favorite style of chili, place popsicle sticks (preferably ones with jokes) in each cube and freeze.  A great way to ‘chill’ out and a special treat for all ages.

- Cargo to go: Fill your cargo pockets with chili and take it with you as your stroll down the beach.  The more pockets the better. We reccommend K-Mart's Route 66 brand.

- Fireworks: Replace the powder in all of your favorite fireworks for a really fun chili explosion!  WARNING: Do not attempt with Cincinnati chili.

Like I mentioned, don’t feel like this is all you can do with your chili this summer. The possibilities are endless.  So kick back, relax, innovate and enjoy the sunshine!

Cheers,

Seriously, the Most Serious Article I Will Ever Write.

This is the most serious article I will ever write:

For some, Graceland is the physical representation of music. For baseball fans, it's Cooperstown. The animal lovers travel to their mecca at the San Diego Zoo. Us chili-folk, we travel to our Nation's capitol, Washington D.C., to experience the ultimate chili-high. Ben's Chili Bowl has been a staple of the D.C. community since 1965.
This proudly black owned and operated restaurant served as a safe haven during the race riots of the 60's. Today Ben's seems to be the common denominator of D.C. and has changed very little since opening in 1965.


To be fair, We traveled to Washington for a wedding (which was splendid), but the secret agenda was obviously Ben's Chili Bowl. Being the adventurous folk we are, we decided to hoof it from our hotel to Ben's. Luckily we showed up parched and ready to stuff our faces. Per usual, the place was hopping. It's always a good sign when customers are willing to wait in a long line and not get cranky about it. The staff at Ben's is one of the most well oiled machines I've ever witnessed. Even though they knew damn well they were serving chili royalty, we were treated no different than the other joe schmoe patrons.

The menu was pretty impressive and included more than just chili. But nothing I'd consider "bells and whistles".

We began with a tempting paper boat of vegetarian chili cheese fries that Lance Crackers couldn't take his eyes off of.

The obvious choice for the entree was the famous Chili Half-Smoke, which Mrs. Crinkle and Mrs. Crackers also enjoyed. As the pictures illustrate, it's extremely poopie and delicious. I considered, for a moment, throwing it into the ceiling fan and giving the restaurant a nice hot chili shower After careful deliberation, I decided to forgo the comedic horror of a chili shower and shove it down my gullet. Lance enjoyed himself a delicious veggie chili dog with a side of veggie chili (which was served to his dismay with some Pepperage Farm bull-shit crackers).

I've gotta tell ya, Ben's isn't a tourist trap. It's absolutely worth the trip. The air reeks of both chili and history. Two things I really enjoy. Ben's Chili Bowl embodies everything that's wonderful about chili, except for the comedy. I topped off our trip with an homage to the King (and Shepard Fairey) on the exterior wall of Ben's. Just marking our turf.

Cheers,