Fireman Death Shakes Small Town

Tragedy struck the small town of Bleuth, Kansas yesterday when a local firefighter died in front of a large crowd.


The third Saturday in August usually represents the near end of summer, the school year nearing, and the dog days of summer. For the small town of Bleuth it means much more. Every third Saturday in August, for the last 16 years, the streets are shut down and Bleuthfest begins! Bleuthfest consists of 8 hours of fun, food and drink. This year Bleuthfest featured a hay rack ride, a dunk tank, a tractor pull, an eating contest, a magic show and all the cold beer you can drink!


The festival begins each year when the town mayor, Horace Trotter, gives the opening remarks wearing his teal Bleuthe Lugnuts Letterman jacket. The jovial mayor's remarks set the mood for the whole festival and prepare everyone for a day of fun. Trotter closes the speech by announcing the secret entree for the food eating contest. This year's pick was Chili Pie provided by local restaurant The Feed Wagon. Trotter ironically stated; "Hopefully no one eats themselves to death."


Owner and head chef of The Feed Wagon, Guy Mandelay, announced this years participants in the eating contest. The crowd cheered the loudest for last years winner; Tornado Bramble. Bramble was a Bleuth native that worked as a firefighter by day and a competitive eater by night. Last year he took home the title after finishing off 11 of Ms. Coolbaugh's peppered porkchops.


The contest started and the eaters began their onslaught of chili pie. After several minutes there were two clear cut leaders; Mark Dash and Tornado Bramble. Dash was starting to slow down and wet his moist brow with a bandana. Bramble let out a loud cry and took another massive helping of hearty chili pie into his mouth. Bramble was starting to turn red. His chewing began to slow down and eventually cease. His eyes went blank and he fell face first into the chili pie.


The crowd roared with laughter at what they thought was Tornado pulling another one of his wisecracks. Last year he faked like he was going to throw up all over the crowd, earning him style points with the judges. After several seconds the crowds laughter turned into whispers and worry. Mark Dash never looked away from his seemingly endless chili pie. The mayor was the first one at Bramble's side, and found him non responsive. He checked the eater's pulse, and then gave a look to the crowd that only meant one thing. Tornado Bramble was dead. The mayor let a single tear run down his cheek, took off his Lugnuts jacket and covered up Bramble's body with it.




The festival shut down early and set a somber haze over the town of Bleuth. The next day the flag outside of The Feed Bag flew at half mast. Mark Dash went on to win the eating contest.

mmm mmm Yummy Earth

Grab some Yummy Earth!





















I was given this bag of Organic Hot Chili Pops, brought to you by the good people at Yummy Earth, as a gift. 




















The verdict is...guilty of being absolutely delicious!

Local cheapskate passes on the dollar up-charge for chili – sticks with the coleslaw.

At around 8:15pm last night, local cheapskate Pyke Rasburt slapped chili in the face, hard.

According to friends, Rasburt a “Class-A dumbass”, tagged along with them for dinner and drinks at Gorky’s Pub.
Rasburt racked up an impressive $12 tab for the night (which included his half priced burger, one Schlitz tall boy, four glasses of water and a less than generous tip). “Good luck getting that d-bag to spring for anything. I’m surprised he didn’t order off the kids menu.” Taupe Shingle told Chili Chat. Shingle, a long time pal of Rasburt informed us that this isn’t the first time he’s been a tightwad. “I think it was last Thursday, he turned down the $1 up-charge for seasoned fries.  C’mon man, what the fuck?!  Sometimes it’s worse than going out with my ex-girlfriend. And now this shit with the chili. I know he likes chili. It’s like a buck dude. He didn't even touch the coleslaw. And it’s not even like we even invite him, he just always finds some way to show up and be a complete fuck up. Sorry, I’m just super annoyed with the guy. I love him and all, but geeze, just live a little sometimes.”

We’re not exactly sure why Rasburt would turn down a bowl of homemade chili. $1 is no excuse. Our guess, an obvious chemical imbalance.

It has yet to be seen if Rasburt will be invited to former college roommate, Gill Knapsack's bachelor party next month. At $100 a head, Rasburt will probably just "Drop by for a few drinks".
Wise up pal.

Cheers,

Local artist officially invites Chili Chat to "SUCK IT".

An anonymously talented local artist has extended an invitation for Chili Chat to "SUCK IT". The Palomino Bar in Milwaukee, WI is widly known for their impressive bathroom art. Inventive tags like "Hipsters Pee Here", "You Suck" and "69" paired along side of several hastily carved pentagrams and anarchy symbols make this bathroom an outlet for creative minds to speak.

Obviously we are honored. You can't beat this kind of press. Dozens of slightly to extremely drunk males in the 21-40 year old demographic urinate in that toilet every day. Talk about reaching your target audience. We are encouraging any and all fans of Chili Chat to graciouly invite us to "Get Bent","Fuck Off", "Shut Up", "Go to Hell" or "Eat Soup".


Cheers...and also, suck it.

 

Chili Co.'s new Chili Soaker is a blast of hot fun!

Gather your friends and enemies.  Chili Co., the world’s largest producer of chili related toys, announced today that summer is about to get a hot blast of fun!

According to their website, this summer’s must have toy, the Chili Soaker, will begin shipping today. According to KB Toys manager Kelp Shrimpton, pre-sales for the Chili Soaker have long since sold out.  “We began taking pre-orders over the holiday season.  We sold about 600 of them, only to find out we’re only getting 20 units.  But don’t fret, we’re very prepared for rioting.  In fact it’s covered in our training video.” Shrimpton told Chili Chat.

Anyone who's familiar with Chili Co.'s innovative product line can feel safe in assuming the much anticipated Chili Soaker is not your ordinary squirt gun.  Where normal squirt guns shoot only plain old boring water, the Chili Soaker shoots a delicious high pressured stream of hot, tasty chili at about 750 psi!  Now that’s sure to knock your neighborhood bully down a few pegs on the social ladder. The Chili Soaker can hold almost any type of chili.  It’s patented bean filter make clogging almost impossible. Their flagship model will hold 50 liters of chili, with expansion packs planned for the future.  The interchangeable tanks make this model ideal not only for chili, but also for sour cream, cheese sauce or any other condiment under the sun!  And unlike other chili squirt guns, changing the grease trap is a snap! Get ready to have a hot blast this summer with the new Chili Soaker.

The Chili Co. Chili Soaker is fun for all ages and will be available for the modest price of $44.99 at your local KB Toys, Service Merchandise, TJ Maxx and Venture stores.

Have a blast this summer and blast someone with chili!

Cheers,

Chili Co. Releases New Innovative Smart-Phone App. Even We're Impressed!

We live in a grab and go society and Chili Co. knows it.

Technology giants, Chili Co. announced today via Chili Fax, that their first smart phone app is now available for purchase. We received a beta version a few months ago for testing purposes and have nothing but the finest things to say about the new “Chili Spoon” app.

How it works is both incredibly easy and insanely innovative. Yet the technology behind it remains a very closely guarded secret. How many times have you been on the city bus, in a movie theater or waiting in line at the library when hunger strikes?  You pull out favorite chili thermos and go for your spoon, only to find out you left in your cargo shorts pocket, again!  Now, thanks to Chili Co., you never need to take a spoon with you again. This high functioning and graphically sophisticated app is the last chili spoon you will ever need.  When hunger strikes, fire up the app.  You’ll immediately see your spoon drawer.  From there you select what type of spoon works best for your chili.  There is also an auto-spoon feature that will decide on a spoon for the indecisive eater.  Once your spoon is selected, you simply choose your type of chili from the database of over 1,700 options.  Remove any case or accessory on your phone and you’re ready to feast.  Simply dunk your smart phone into your chili like you would any normal spoon and enjoy!  The Chili Spoon app takes care of the rest (except the chewing).  Cleanup is a snap too.  Just wipe the chili off the phone with a damp washcloth and  it’s back to business.

It seems Chili Co. has done it again. They never cease to impress.  We have heard rumors about future upgrades including possibly adding forks as well as an innovative cracker selection feature that is sure to impress.  A slotted spoon feature, that's a must have for crock pots, will be available in September for the iPad.

The Chili Spoon app is available now for most smart-phones for $9.99.  It’s absolutely worth every penny!

Chili Spoon - $9.99

(Please remember, this app is for chili only. Using this spoon for any other meal could damage your phone and void the warranty. Do not make phone calls while enjoying this app.)

Cheers,

Local Chili Dog Lacks Chili.

This miserable looking 'chili dog' anticipates months of ridicule from its peers.

New Chili Chat Street Team Video!

Greetings all!


Earlier this month Chili Chat sent a camera crew to Racine, WI to the First Friday Festival that takes place the first Friday of each month in the Downtown Racine area. The First Friday celebration lasts from 6-9 pm and features live music, food, beverages, and a lively atmosphere.


I think the Street Team did a good job spreading the Chili Cheer! Enjoy.

Chili Rivers Band Reunites to Record Benefit Album for Suffering Chilitown, USA.

Some thought they would never see it again in their lifetime, but Chili Chat has received confirmation that it's happening. The Chili Rivers Band has announced via Chili Co. Chili Fax, that they indeed are reuniting nearly 25 years after calling it quits. Lead singer and mandolin virtuoso Kleep Peepers informed Chili Chat that a new album and benefit concert is currently in the works. "The old gang is back! Every last one of them." said Peepers. Kleep will be joined by the original members of CRB (minus the late Wiley 'Slap' Bugleschmidt); Zip Krenshaw (Washtub bass, vox), Thurl Tandy (Jaw-harp, vox), Vance Crump (banjo, guitar, vox), Trip 'Suds' Browning (percussions, vox) and Berry Twigs (clarinet, vox).

CRB were ahead of their time. There's no question about it. They began playing together in 1968 after a chance meeting at the local fishin' hole in the small town of Fleeburt, MT. Their 1970 debut album "Chili in the Water", produced a number 1 single and gave the band some very positive press from music and food critics alike. Over the next few years they would continue to produce the bright, yet eerie sounds that would come to define the band's signature "Chili-Rag" sound. Shortly after the release of "Clove Basket" in 1976, their first album to not chart, the band lost lead organ player, Wiley 'Slap' Bugleschmidt to a lengthy battle with gingivitis.

In retrospect, this was clearly the turning point in for band. In the summer of 1977, Crump released his first solo album "3 Bean Salad" to extremely luke-warm reviews. When the band returned to the studio in 1978 to hone their new sound, it was clear that Crump had lost his focus. After spending a summer in the studio with the illustrious producer, Kelp Seebach, Crump had developed a nagging soup habit. This clearly did not mesh with the rest of the band, who's hit singles included, "Takin' Care of Chili", "Chill out Granny", "My Chili is Nothing (without you)" and "Gather 'Round Ye Chili Brother". After the reluctant release of "Progressive Chili Nose", a progressive art-rock blunder, Krenshaw began to spiral out of control with a horrid soup addiction. Hard times were clearly upon the once prominent act.  After a few year hiatus, where Crum and Krenshaw were able to sober up in controlled facility, the band regrouped to rekindle the spark. In 1986, a much older and wise CRB released the beautiful "Tears of Chili and Love" to a warm reception. But it was not to be. CRB had grown apart. Some had moved on to penning songs about hoagies or chicken salad. Others just moved on and became family men.

As I'm sure you are aware, Chilitown USA has been suffering from one of the worst chili droughts in 70 years. Dozens have been left hungry and without a trace of chili. Local diners, grocers and water fountains are all running dry with the once prominent resource. The local chili fountain in the town square has now been filled with boring old water. Tourism is at a standstill.  Things just couldn't get any worse for Chilitown USA.

When jaw-harp player Thurl Tandy, read an article about the horrific chili drought that recently hit Chilitown USA, he immediately got on the horn and notified his bandmates. "I figured, if there was anyone out there who could help...gosh darnit, it's gotta be the Chili Rivers Band. This is our calling. Chilitown USA needs us now, more than ever." It took some time to reach out to the band he once called his family.  Once everyone was reunited in the studio to record a benefit song, it was clear that the magic and passion was back. Not only did CRB record a powerful and moving track simply called "Chilitown USA", but they kept the tape rolling and laid down several more tracks that will be included on an upcoming release. "It's our first album in almost 25 years. It's great to be back with the guys tipping back a few bowls of chili and just letting the music flow though us." Trip Browning told Chili Chat.

Their self titled release will be available on cassette and CD format July, 15.

A benefit show in Chilitown USA will take place on July, 30 in Chilibluff park.

Tickets are available for purchase at www.chili-chat.com or www.chiliriversband.net.

We will also be collecting chili donations through the USPS. Stay tuned for more details.

Cheers,

Yao Ming Retires...Bruised, Broken and Hungry.

Former superstar Yao Ming retired from the NBA today after a myriad of injuries cut his career short.

The 6 time all-star, will pack his bindle and take his 7'5'' frame back to China without ever eating a bowl of All-American chili in his 8 years in the United States. "Bush league." said former Houston Rockets teammate Shane Battier. "You know, if I went to China, I'd have at least one egg roll. Even though I prefer crab rangoon, I'd still have an egg roll.  That's what you eat when you’re in China. When you're in the United States, you eat chili and probably pizza. I think he just ate sweet and sour chicken every day.  I don't think I saw him go to McDonald's once the whole time he was here." a clearly passionate Battier told a reporter from the Chili Chat Network.

We too find this disturbing. After some research we discovered that the Houston Rockets hold a chili dump every year before the all-star break. This tradition dates back to their 1997 championship season, when Mario Ellie and Clyde Drexler convinced Hakeem Olajuwon to break his month long fast by eating what they called "Magic Bean Salad". Hakeem was hooked and vowed to carry on the tradition.  However, Yao managed to have a 'commitment' every time the chili dump rolled around. "I once tried to offer him a bowl of Kenny Smith's homemade chili and I even told him he could eat it with chop sticks and he still refused! Then I said it would really help him beef up so he could box out Shaq. You know what he said to me?! 'I don't eat beef soup.' He called the shit soup!" said Battier. Talk about beating a dead horse.

According to NBA sources, Yao has a "fat chance" of making the hall of fame once this story hits the press.

Cheers,

It's a Chili Beach Blanket Blast!

Now that summer is officially upon us, we can finally take our jean shorts and floppy tank-tops out of moth balls and spend some time really enjoy the outdoors. To assist you in making the most of your summer season, Chili Chat has spent the past few months compiling a comprehensive list of the best things to do with your left over chili this season. Keep in mind, these are just suggestions. There are many, many ways to enjoy your chili during these hot and humid months.

- “Water” balloons: Chili is much better for your health than crummy, boring water.  It also makes for a much more satisfying explosion.

- Slip n’ Slide: All you need is a tarp, hose and a chili line running directly to your house.  If you only have a boring water line running to your home, call your municipal water company and ask them when the new chili lines will be installed in your area.

- Hot Potato: Fill a zip-lock bag with chili, stand in a circle with your closest friends, start the timer and see who ends up with the busted bag of chili all over their chest.

- Kiddie Pool: Although you might be too big to still fit in a kiddie pool, that shouldn’t stop you from soaking your feet in a refreshing kiddie pool filled with chunky chili con carne.

- Chili Pen-Pal: Fill an envelope with your favorite chili and send it to a stranger.  You will soon have yourself a chili pen-pal. Think of all the great times the two of you will have.  Who knows? You may end up being best friends or passionate lovers.

- Tie Dye: Take an old pillow case, tear it into strips, tie some rubber bands around it and dunk it into your favorite chili.  Allow it to dry for a few hours and you will soon have customized chili bandannas to wipe your brow during these hot summer months.

- Chili Pops: Fill an ice cube tray with your favorite style of chili, place popsicle sticks (preferably ones with jokes) in each cube and freeze.  A great way to ‘chill’ out and a special treat for all ages.

- Cargo to go: Fill your cargo pockets with chili and take it with you as your stroll down the beach.  The more pockets the better. We reccommend K-Mart's Route 66 brand.

- Fireworks: Replace the powder in all of your favorite fireworks for a really fun chili explosion!  WARNING: Do not attempt with Cincinnati chili.

Like I mentioned, don’t feel like this is all you can do with your chili this summer. The possibilities are endless.  So kick back, relax, innovate and enjoy the sunshine!

Cheers,

Seriously, the Most Serious Article I Will Ever Write.

This is the most serious article I will ever write:

For some, Graceland is the physical representation of music. For baseball fans, it's Cooperstown. The animal lovers travel to their mecca at the San Diego Zoo. Us chili-folk, we travel to our Nation's capitol, Washington D.C., to experience the ultimate chili-high. Ben's Chili Bowl has been a staple of the D.C. community since 1965.
This proudly black owned and operated restaurant served as a safe haven during the race riots of the 60's. Today Ben's seems to be the common denominator of D.C. and has changed very little since opening in 1965.


To be fair, We traveled to Washington for a wedding (which was splendid), but the secret agenda was obviously Ben's Chili Bowl. Being the adventurous folk we are, we decided to hoof it from our hotel to Ben's. Luckily we showed up parched and ready to stuff our faces. Per usual, the place was hopping. It's always a good sign when customers are willing to wait in a long line and not get cranky about it. The staff at Ben's is one of the most well oiled machines I've ever witnessed. Even though they knew damn well they were serving chili royalty, we were treated no different than the other joe schmoe patrons.

The menu was pretty impressive and included more than just chili. But nothing I'd consider "bells and whistles".

We began with a tempting paper boat of vegetarian chili cheese fries that Lance Crackers couldn't take his eyes off of.

The obvious choice for the entree was the famous Chili Half-Smoke, which Mrs. Crinkle and Mrs. Crackers also enjoyed. As the pictures illustrate, it's extremely poopie and delicious. I considered, for a moment, throwing it into the ceiling fan and giving the restaurant a nice hot chili shower After careful deliberation, I decided to forgo the comedic horror of a chili shower and shove it down my gullet. Lance enjoyed himself a delicious veggie chili dog with a side of veggie chili (which was served to his dismay with some Pepperage Farm bull-shit crackers).

I've gotta tell ya, Ben's isn't a tourist trap. It's absolutely worth the trip. The air reeks of both chili and history. Two things I really enjoy. Ben's Chili Bowl embodies everything that's wonderful about chili, except for the comedy. I topped off our trip with an homage to the King (and Shepard Fairey) on the exterior wall of Ben's. Just marking our turf.

Cheers,

Chili Chat Street Team making their presence known

Behind every good website about chili is an even better street team.

At last month's quarterly Chili Chat Council Meeting, C-C leaders urged the Street Team to step up their game. They did just that.

The anonymous team brought the chili cheer all across the Midwest.




















Subtle Chili Chat reminders are surfacing all over the United States. Restaurant owners, business owners, beach walkers, hot dog vendors, bums and many others now have the luxury of being constantly reminded to check in for the Chili Chat news.































Even this lucky (and unsuspecting) Chicago local got a surprise Chili Chat coupon in his back pocket! You can only imagine the sizable grin on his face when he finds that!
Keep up the good work, Street Team!

For Chili-Chat stickers, Fliers, or coupons please feel free to email us!

Woman almost kills cat with chili

According to a 2007 poll conducted by Chili Chat's R&D department, 91% of people in the United States like chili. That's people, not cats.

Tuesday morning there was an article printed in the Gorlyle, Idaho newspaper; The Fintel, about a woman who fed her cat an interesting dinner. Gertrude Malamar was spending a relaxing night at home with her cats when she ran out of Iams Healthy Naturals for her cat Pep-Pep. Malamar is a noted cat lover and has 6 felines roaming her home in Gorlyle.

"Pep-Pep will only eat the Healthy Naturals brand of cat food," Malamar explained. "He won't touch his brother Cornflake's chicken gravy flavored wet food. He's just so picky."

Malamar decided to improvise with some new dinner options, and took to the refrigerator. She came back with a crock pot full of her uncle Lyle's famous chili, and poured Pep-pep a healthy sized bowl. A watchful Pep-pep appeared from behind the sofa and sniffed the foreign substance in his usual cat food dish. About a minute and a half later Pep-pep had licked the bowl clean.

"It was a long day, and I sat down to rest my eyes. I must have dozed off," Malamar admitted.

When Malamar woke up the crock pot was on the ground tipped over in the center of her kitchen floor. It had been licked clean.

"I started screaming and lept up from my chair," Malamar began, "When I accidentally stepped in the chili I lost my footing and hit the ground hard."

When Malamar finally came to, she got up and frantically began a head count of her 6 cats. All six of them were accounted for, except Pep-pep. She made her way through the home and finally found Pep-pep sound asleep in her bed.

"I let out a huge sigh and laid down next to him."

Pep-pep was in quite the deep sleep. A chili coma, in fact. A frantic Malamar began running around the house screaming. Squad cars were on the scene within 10 minutes after three 911 calls came in about a woman screaming.

"I thought someone was being killed," admitted next door neighbor Clifford Pants. "Or that one of her cats had been killed."

"I was a little bit worried," Malamar agreed.

After several attempts at shaking Pep-pep out of his certain death, Goryle police had seen enough. Police Chief Carl Blither carefully placed a white sheet over the seemingly lifeless cat when a miracle occurred.

"It was the dangdest thing," said Blither. "The darn thing started Meowin." Pep-pep appeared from under the white sheet with what could only be described as a grin on his face. Malamar picked up the tabby feline and smothered him in kisses for several minutes while police and now much of the neighborhood looked on.

"It was just a miracle. I almost lost a son!" Malamar shouted at the Police chief.

"Just another day in Gorlyle," said Police Chief Blither.

Chili Chat Hits the Road.

This week, Lance Crackers and Chip Crinkle hit the road to visit Washington D.C.'s legendary "Ben's Chili Bowl".

I'm sure they have put chili in and on things that we never knew existed.
This will be like going away to basketball camp. Only we will return in worse shape than we came.

Who eats free at Ben's Chili Bowl?
- Bill Cosby
- The Obama Family

- ...Chili Chat?

Struggling Southwest Airlines to Make Some Delicious Changes.

In an official press release today, struggling Southwest Airlines has announced that in effort to cut costs it will be serving exclusively chili on all Continental and international flights. This news comes days after Southwest Airlines president, Dorf Stoan announced that the once prominent airline had posted a $45 million loss last year. "We're bleeding in a struggling industry. We need to step back and cut costs somewhere. I believe this process begins with our meal service." Stoan tells Chili Chat.
"I think this will be a welcomed change from our passengers. No more guessing games. No more 'Am I having the fish sandwich or the chicken kiev? I can't remember what I ordered.'. Every passenger that sets foot on our airline will know exactly what they will be eating for their in flight meal. And you know what, I think they'll like it." added a confident Stoan.


Each chili tray will be served as-is, with a dollop of sour cream, a hand full of shredded cheese and a few oyster crackers. Each flight will be given one crock pot upon take-off and when it's gone, it's gone. We have also learned that passengers requiring a Kosher meal have the option to have their meal blessed by Southwest's new in-flight rabbi. A much cheaper option than FAA required Air Marshall.


Chili Chat has also received unofficial word that Southwest Airlines will be replacing their oxygen masks with chili masks in case of an in-flight emergency. As well as doing away with bathrooms and drink cart service. Again, this is purely speculative. However, we do encourage all passengers who are flying Southwest, to relieve themselves and hydrate before the flight. From what we hear, that chili will burn a hole in your colon the size of a baby fist.


Cheers and happy flying,

A Tuba Full of Chili? I Dare You Not to Laugh.

[San Cranticso,CA] - It finally happened.  After years of playing "what if..." with chili related scenarios, someone finally got the ultimate chili treatment.

In his final day in band, tuba player Randy “Rip” Skripens was treated to one of the highest and most humiliating honors in the chili community. During 7^th period band class, Skripens, a second year sophomore, was a few measures away from his favorite crescendo in  John Phillips Sousa’s "Invincible Eagle", when delicious disaster struck. Twin brothers, Gil and Tate Saddlemeyer, who’s coronet solos were about 20 measures away, decided to duck behind the trombone section and fill the bell of Skipens’ tuba with hot, delicious beef and bean chili.  After 2 measures of rest, Skripens positioned his flabby embouchure over the mouthpiece and prepared for his shining moment.

As showers of hot chili exploded from Rip’s tuba like the fires of Mt. St. Helen’s, the Saddlemeyer brothers thought they were having the last laugh. Completely distraught from missing his shining moment, Skripens had enough.  He did what he hoped he would never have to do.  He told on them. The Saddlemeyer brothers were demoted to 6^th and 7^th chair, given 2 weeks of laundry duty for the marching band and we’re given a stern dressing down by Principal Scagnetti.

No other major injuries were reported.  Only a few woodwinds were harmed as a result of this prank and Skripens has since switched to the bassoon. “I’ve always been the fat tuba player.” Rip told Chili Chat. “I decided to try and change my identity a little.  I’ve never seen a fat guy play bassoon. Actually I’ve never seen anyone play bassoon.  Fat guys don’t play the bassoon do they?”

We wish Mr. Skripens the best of luck with his new venture and hope he’ll pass his Sophomore this time.  We salute the Saddlemeyer brothers for appreciating the humor in a tuba full of chili.

Cheers,

Chili Chat (finally) teams up with the F.B.I.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce the highly anticipated and inevitable partnership between Chili-Chat and the F.B.I.

After several hours of contractual negotiations, Chili-Chat Inc. came to an agreement with the executive officers of the F.B.I. to finally came to terms that could only be called a blockbuster deal. There have been rumors circulating the internet since early last spring of secret meetings between the two organizations and their looming conglomerate.

It is no secret that the Federal Bureau of Investigation are fans of chili after the 2006 investigation of the Black Bean Bomber. The Black Bean Bomber took nearly 100 lives in upstate New York using dynamite and canned chili. Newspapers across the nation were littered with write ups on the mysterious whereabouts of the bomber when Chili Chat's very own Cloaf Pidler helped lead to the bomber's hideout, claiming the answer came to him in a dream.

Chili Chat and the F.B.I. decided to make senior F.B.I. corespondent Klite Nightengale the new head of Chili Relations. Chili Relations plans to expand and hire a dozen new workers over the next quarter, but to land a job in the C.R. department is no small task. The F.B.I. has already turned down applications from Guy Fieri, Bill Cosby and English actor Daniel Day Lewis. Nightengale had plenty of ideas that he was excited to share with Chili Chat's Research and Development team.

"We're always looking for new non-lethal ways to take out bad guys," Boasted Nightengale. "We figure chili is a perfect medium for stunning a perp, without the blow being fatal. I had a meeting with Chip Crinkle and Wet Stetson in Pinatoba this weekend, and let me just say that the wheels are turning," Nightengale grinned.

Most F.B.I.-Chili Chat relations are very hush for the time being, but we are interested in what kind of promising endeavors the team will get into in the future. Rumor has it there is a chili dust powder grenade in the works. We can only hope so. God bless America!

Chili Davis Officially Endorses Chili Chat!

An announcement years in the making...This morning during Chili Chat’s weekly national chatting chili news hour, baseball and chili legend, Chili Davis announced that he was to become the official spokesperson for Chili Chat.  This news comes after countless attempts to reach Mr. Davis through his agent Clove Tuknish.  Chili, who is currently residing in the “Where are they now” files, was one of the greatest ball players of the late 80s and early 90s and has always been the unofficial spokesman for chili fans and advocates everywhere.  Until early this morning, nobody had heard from or seen Mr. Davis since his retirement ceremony where he showed up on LSD waving a souvenir bat and cast multiple spells on Peter Gammons.  So needless to say, hearing from him was both uncomfortable and joyous.

We received the call on Monday from Tuknish, who insisted we keep this announcement tight-lipped. “Chili doesn’t want to make a big ordeal about this.” he told Chili Chat.  “Chili is a very private guy. He really only leaves the house when he thinks the walls are getting too heavy or when he needs to refill his magic potions.” added Tuknish.  Davis, who showed up to the news conference in a rickshaw, pulled by two 12 year olds wearing suits, kept insisting he forgot his sneakers and his sack lunch. It took us about an hour to convince him that his sneakers were on his feet and that, as promised, lunch was provided.  “When’s game time, Skip?” Davis kept asking.  We assumed he meant the press conference. Finally, a confident Chili Davis walked into a packed press room, full to the brim with reporters and chili fans alike.  Here is what Mr. Davis had to say:

“Good morning friends.  Oh, hi.  My name is Chili Davis and I’d like to take this moment to announce that, I, Chili Davis officially like jello-chat.com.  I have always liked jello and I think that it’s time people everywhere like jello too.  It’s great for me to endorse this fine product because we both have the same name. Probably my favorite flavor or jello is purple jello.  I remember one time, Kirby Puckett asked me if he could eat my jello in the clubhouse and I told him, I respect you Kirby, but I really want to eat my jello. One time I even cast a spell on Peter Gammons and turned him into jello. So with the ears of the nation all over me, it is with great pride and respect that I let everyone know that Chili Davis will be the new official spokesplayer for Bill Cosby chat.com. Zap, I’m outta here.”

About an hour later, after Mr. Davis came to, he quickly revised his statements saying “You can fill in where I messed up, but keep the message the same because I think it was a homerun.  Also, make that check out to Jello Davis.”

Even though we didn’t get the same Chili Davis we all remember from his days in the big show and found out that he doesn’t even like chili, we couldn’t be happier about this partnership. We know that Chili Davis will represent Chili Chat well and we look forward to many years of greatness.

Chili Chat’s first television commercial, featuring Mr. Davis, will air June 22^nd on ESPN Deucer.

Chili Davis hand drawn doodles will also be available on a first come, first serve basis.

Coming soon: Chili Davis / Chili Chat satin bullpen jackets, Chili Davis jello mold and Chili Davis toe socks.

Cheers,

Tip of the Day: 10 things you probably shouldn't do if you have chili fingers.

We enjoy helping our readers in their everyday lives, by providing useful tips that are easily applicable in everyday situations.

Today's Chili Chat Life Tip:
10 things you probably shouldn't do if you have chili fingers:

1. Use an iPad
2. Hug your grandmother
3. Give a business professional handshake
4. Point
5. Enter a professional poker tournament
6. Share popcorn at the movie theater
7. Pick your nose
8. Braid someones hair
9. Thumb war
10. Perform surgery

For more helpful life tips from Chili Chat, be sure to pre-order Chili Chat: Your 21st Century Life Coach, available in paperback, hardcover and digital format.

Cheers,

Spring has sprung. Have some chili, jerk!

It's finally that time of the year. The birds are chirping, grills are getting fired up, and the smell of fresh cut grass lingers in the air. After a restless winter, people are starting to get out of their houses and out into the community. Local business owners have their doors wide open. Spring is upon us!

On a Saturday with no particular schedule, I found myself walking about downtown Kenosha with a few comrades. We became reacquainted with our downtown area, and visited all the favorites. With our on-foot adventure coming to a close, we decided to stop at one last establishment. We entered Scoops Ice Cream.

Scoops is a fine ice cream parlor tucked away in a quaint corner downtown. It is home to a plethora of flavors, some classic, some a little more daring. It was time to get a few free samples. Alas my eye caught the crown jewel of the flavors; Chocolate Chili.
















I have had the opportunity to try some interesting chili combinations in my life. Some of them good choices, some not so much. I jumped at the chance to sample this juxtaposition.

















What followed was about what I expected. A strong chocolate presence followed by a zesty chili kick that stayed with you. The kick may be too strong for some as I saw a little girl crying immediately following the taste test.
















The decision was unanimous. We all accepted the chocolate chili as it was. Scoops, you have inspired me. Who is to say where chili ends and begins in our world of food. Let the chili flow, I say!

THREE chili cooking tips

5. Chili filled Birthday cake- Surprise a friend or loved one with hot Texas chili secretly hiding beneath inches of white frosting!

4. Chili filled pancakes- Jack up your favorite pancake better with some of your homemade chili. Keep your friends on their toes by serving up a short stack of this spicy, curious creation.

3. Chili chip cookies- Strain your chili for several hours, leave it in the sun, and voilà! Take the hardened remains and replace them with the chocolate chips. School bake sale? I think so.


Come on down to Scoops Ice Cream Parlor on 6th Avenue and say hello to Ellen Schimian. Tell her Breadbowl sent you. Try the chocolate chili flavored ice cream if you're brave enough. Let your chili seap onto all pages of the menu, my friends.

A Man Dies, but a legend lives on.

I'm sorry to report this, but we here at Chili-Chat just got word from one of our field reporters that Macho Man Randy Savage has left this mortal earth.

Macho Man was behind the wheel of his car, when he reportedly had a heart attack, causing the vehicle to loose control, and crash.

Early reports are showing that the heart attack was caused by "complicated indigestion" from eating too many of the now proto-type "Chili Explosion" Slim Jims. Our lawyers are working hard to disprove any of these allegations.

It's tragedies like this that remind us all, how precious life is. And we here at chili-chat would like to send out our sincerest condolences (without admitting fault) to the family and friends of Mr. Savage.

May he live forever in our hearts, and on awesome interview videos on youtube.



OOOOOOHHHH YEAAAAAAH!

How the Hell Did You Find Us?

To commemorate our historic 5,000^th visitor to Chili Chat, we thought it would be appropriate to share how our loyal readers have discovered us. Research has shown that 100% of the world enjoys chili, so it’s only a matter of time before the whole world has the pleasure to reach Chili Chat.  We have spent endless hours and suffered crippling monetary debt to bring you a list of our favorite search keywords from our first 5,000 visitors. In no particular order, we would like to ask you…HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND US?

• Someone eating Lance Crackers
• How to find what is in the unlabeled can
• How to remain anonymous while contacting chilis human resources
• Comemorative Elizabeth Tayor plates 
• Elizabeth Tayor and cold cream
• Things to put in chili
• Things to put chili on
• homemade chili for 250 people
• national chili day 
• chilli chip chat
• chili lip balm
• chili tv show
• chili and flu or cold
• chilli prices may 2011
• chillie-chat.nl
• chilli (processed state)
• chilly high tiny chat
• chat shili 8
• chilli industry management
• dunk tank
• Ross Ohlendorf
• Gerri Guardipee
• chistes calientes
• 7 mile fair reviews
• poonch, texas
• شات طعريص

What keyword am I anxiously awaiting?  "Pictures of Myself" (Searched by Chili Davis).

Cheers,